Here is my ahh ha moment: losing weight isn't solely about losing pounds of fat off my body. It is also about losing the weight of unrealized dreams. It is about disappointments and heartbreaks. Even in celebrating there is pain...the sense of not deserving anything, but constantly trying to run myself ragged to prove to myself that I am deserving of this LIFE! It is hard to get to the heart of that stuff when all you think is if only I could just lose the weight...then all will be well. But the truth is I can lose the weight...simply eat less, move more. There's no magic to that. The problem, er ah, the challenge, is in all the noise of my life that scream for my attention rendering my commitment to myself null and void. Or so that's how I behave. I allow all that other mess to carry me away from ME!
How do I give myself back to myself in a loving way? How can I be more loving to myself? How can I not set myself up for failure that only reinforces that little voice that says "see...I told you couldn't commit"? This is my charge to be louder in my life than that little voice. This is my personal struggle and journey. There is no personal trainer for my soul except me. There is support yes, but at the end of the day, I gotta believe more for myself than any friends, lover, or paid support does.
It begins with pushing myself to do. TO DO.