Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Here is my ahh ha moment: losing weight isn't solely about losing pounds of fat off my body. It is also about losing the weight of unrealized dreams. It is about disappointments and heartbreaks. Even in celebrating there is pain...the sense of not deserving anything, but constantly trying to run myself ragged to prove to myself that I am deserving of this LIFE! It is hard to get to the heart of that stuff when all you think is if only I could just lose the weight...then all will be well. But the truth is I can lose the weight...simply eat less, move more. There's no magic to that. The problem, er ah, the challenge, is in all the noise of my life that scream for my attention rendering my commitment to myself null and void. Or so that's how I behave. I allow all that other mess to carry me away from ME!

How do I give myself back to myself in a loving way? How can I be more loving to myself? How can I not set myself up for failure that only reinforces that little voice that says "see...I told you couldn't commit"? This is my charge to be louder in my life than that little voice. This is my personal struggle and journey. There is no personal trainer for my soul except me. There is support yes, but at the end of the day, I gotta believe more for myself than any friends, lover, or paid support does.

It begins with pushing myself to do. TO DO.


Luv said...

it's funny, i really needed to read this today. my entire "new" blog is devoted to doing just that, Loving myself while shedding the pounds of all of the unnecessary baggage i have been carrying around.

and you are right, it becomes hard when you make everything else a priority before yourself. i was just musing today that someone should have called CPS on me because i was neglecting me and my inner child..

much success on your journey.

Marianne said...

I wish you good luck, and strong will. Losing weight (in a healthy way, of course) is so liberating, and you have that feeling of control, that feeling that your life is on track, that you're holding the reins. You look younger and feel younger, and you feel like investing more in your feminine aspects.
I mostly miss the energy. As we gradually get fat, we don't even notice that we achieve less and less. Not because we are lazy people, but the body has its limits. When I think of how a regular day looked when I was thin, I realize I don't achieve even 30% of that now. Now I'm busy carrying an unnecessary 70 lbs around, it's almost like having another job.
Don't let anyone bring you down, keep the control and reclaim your body. The rest will follow.