We are not done.
The love between us was created and nurtured before we were born. We have been friends for over 30 years. He is the prayer I have asked God for. I am the partner of his dreams. We are both afraid and tread cautiously. He is strong and unyielding. He is direct and tender. He is like no one I've ever known before.
Many of us have been foolish with our hearts. We are so free and easy with our bodies...touching skin with out a care. Real intimacy scares us. To talk with a beloved with full attention and tenderness is something most of us have never experienced. It is overwhelming because most of us (myself included) can talk so convincing about love but so unwilling to yield to love. My Beloved requires very little and I am quick to resist. My resistance is fear. My fear is rooted in bad habits and failed love affairs and a marriage ending in divorce. My Beloved is a Man. He knows my story, he bears witness to my flaws and shortcomings daily. He has tolerated my rudeness, and my haughtiness and my arrogance. I have been obstinate. Stubborn. Mean-spirited. And still he stays and loves me.
His issue with my blog isn't the blog, but my reluctance to share here and not with him. How can I whisper words of love in the most intimate moments, but not share what's on my heart with him in the waking part of the day. I am perhaps a fool. It appears that I am driving away a good man. Why am I am arguing over things that if I just let go of, my life would be infinitely better? Perhaps I am a fool. I see that now.
He is my beloved and I need to grow up and act like a woman who loves a man. I am not being hard on myself. I have learned over the years to recognize fear when it shows up. I just didn't recognize it disguised as doubt and annoyance and petty observations.
This is the love that showed up and presented itself to me in a lovely package of this beautiful man. I know this man. I know his story, his people, his character, his beliefs and his kindness. I know him, tasted him, slept under him and laughed with him. We've had great pillow fights. We've had long talks and long walks. We've showered together, dinned under candle light together, even took a road trip together. I owe it to myself to explore this loveship! I owe it to myself to explore who I am in love.
The Love Story Continues...
Always asking...Who Are You? and What Do You Want?