Friday, July 11, 2008


I spent this week thinking out loud about the ending of my marriage, the possibility of dating, the possibility of sex, the possibility of marriage again. I have come to realize that time is irrelevant. Time is not healing, the changing of my mind and how I want to be, is healing.

Happiness is a choice!

Love is a choice!

I am over my ex because I choose to be. Because the thought of hanging onto what was done to me is pointless and adds nothing to my current state of happiness. Like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies. A year is nothing. It means nothing as I think about this. All I have is right now and right now I have decided to be happy. There is no such thing as too happy or too much happiness. This came to me in the middle of the night. I realized that I want every happiness all the time even in the midst of drama, crisis and self-doubt. I am deciding that I want to be happy. Not being more right, not smarter than, not better than...HAPPY!

My Ex is moving on and he has to live with his own conscience about how he left this family. It is not my life's role to remind him, or to punish him, or to guilt him into taking care of what he needs to do. Now a good attorney will handle shit if he falls by the wayside, but it has not come to that, so far he has been keeping his word to our children. Trying to show him my pain and how badly he hurt me is sad and keeps me stuck on stupid.

I have a bigger dream for myself and I have a life that I want to live, a life full of the love that is divinely designed for me and if I mess around with trying to punish him or shame him because he made a decision to choose happiness without me and our children as a package, then I lose out on receiving the blessings that are waiting for me. I only have to step from behind my fear. I am, boldly!

A Course in Miracles says "Love waits on welcome, not on time"

I have decided to welcome love in RIGHT NOW!


Danie said...

"...Trying to show him my pain and how badly he hurt me is sad and keeps me stuck on stupid..."

Sister...I truly received this!!Thanks for posting it!

Stay blessed...

Aunt Jackie said...

ooh heart break and heart ache is something else ain't it. but there's something to be said about not allowing it to define us.

I'm glad you are venting, writing and letting it out, as well as carving a path for a new life!

Wishing you strength and success!

Monique said...

Dang that's deep! Your post have been causing me to do some serious soul searching of my own this week. This is just what I needed. I need to print this one because it speaks volumes. It further validates a decision I've been contemplating.

The perfect quote,"Love waits on welcome, not on time".

Lovebabz said...

My life's mission is not to make he ashamed of how he walked out.

I am glad anything I have to say is of value to you!

That is the beauty of letting can see your own world in digital color!

You are welcome to use whatever you need to keep you moving forward!

Rich said...

Them grown woman draw's feel good when you put them on right, don't they.

Lovebabz said...


You my brother have no idea! It is divine! LOL!

Just for the record you are a mess! And I love everything about YOU!

LadyLee said...

Okay, you know I'm about to blog in your comment section... so don't ban me. LOL! (But you've been hitting some notes with me this week, man!)

Very well said, and I completely agree. I took a VERY good divorce recovery class at my church, and the one of the many things I got out of it was that we have to make a choice to be happy ON PURPOSE. God hates divorce, but he don't hate you. This is just a needle skip on the record of life. Believe that God wants you to be happy, and let go of doing crazy stuff to "convince" this man (or woman, in a husband's case) to do what you want or think they should be doing. All of the shenanigans come from one place: fear. The root to that thing is fear. We only hurt ourselves when we go out like that. And we are sowing VERY bad seed, which we will reap from in the future. Talk about a blessing blocker. I think we spent 3 hours talking about that one thing. GEEZ!

I'd never heard anything like that, but it made A LOT of sense. There was a 90 year old woman in the class, who said that she wished that she would have learned that very thing when her husband left her 50 years ago with 6 kids to feed. She finally understood that some 50 years later that happiness was a choice. Goodness.

Needless to say, there was a lot of arguing, crying, and anger in that class. (Never thought I would hear such rage in church). But we all got it together by the end. Thank goodness for that.

So be happy. My mantra for 2008 is GO FORWARD. I see you are doing that- going forward on to better things.

These are good posts here, girl. You gonna have to stop all this so I can retreat back into Lurk city and stop blogging in your comment section. LOL!!

Heartstrings said...

Beautiful post Babz. You definitely have the righteous perspective. Reading this brought back memories and also reminded me how far I've come since my divorce. Healing doesn't take so long when you're ready for it. Stay strong.

Heartstrings said...


This is Midlife Muse from over at BlogHer. I'm Heartstrings here--see my comment above.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

im down w happy
and stuck on stupid

Lovebabz said...

Hey Sister Ladylee!
I am so glad yo are hanging add value to my blog! I love your comments!

Hello Sister Heartstrings!
Yes, I just had an ephinany..get over this or you will be a prisoner longer than you have to!

I am so looking forward to your contributions at blogher!

Hi Torrance,
Happiness is everything and stuck on stupid is not where I want to be!

Mizrepresent said...

Bravo know for the first time i walked back into our house...the house we bought together, the house we shared together because the ex was giving my babygirl a going away party. I prayed before i entered, sat in my daughters car and wished i wasn't there...but i was, i am, and so i thanked God for his wonderful blessing of keeping me and faced my fears. I hugged and greeted all the visitors (most of his family and friends) and then i hugged him and his new girlfriend while introducing myself...i knew at that moment that i had moved on...i praised God for the peace that settled in me, and the joy that was within me...i had moved on. It is a joyous occasion lady...and i am thankful for it, so don't be dismayed, look for is coming!

Rex Venom said...

'Good things come to those that Take.'
Not in a mean way, but by the very act of deciding they deserve to receive good things in life, the chooser (You, beautiful) suddenly finds so much more brightness in every day.
Rock on!

Lovebabz said...

Sister MizR,
Girl that takes a whole LOT of courage! Good for you!

Yes Rex Venom,
Taking my happiness is just the right thing to say! It certainly feels like that!

CapCity said...

*Wavin' hand slowly in da air southern chu'ch style*

Amen, Amen!

Choices: sometimes it just SEEMS easier to get swept away in the moments - be they anguish or pure joy. As Brother Rich said: Big Gurl Cotton;-) Panties make me feel like AAAAAhhhhh!

sista gp said...

Your words of wisdom can be applied to so many situations in life where we hold onto pain and misery instead of letting it go and moving on.

You are a blessing to us all.

Hawa Bond said...

I've been away too long. And I love returning to a post like this!

I would have thrown my hand on my lower back and started shouting... but I'm at work. LOL

Hawa from
Fackin Truth Blog