I spent this week thinking out loud about the ending of my marriage, the possibility of dating, the possibility of sex, the possibility of marriage again. I have come to realize that time is irrelevant. Time is not healing, the changing of my mind and how I want to be, is healing.
Happiness is a choice!
Love is a choice!
I am over my ex because I choose to be. Because the thought of hanging onto what was done to me is pointless and adds nothing to my current state of happiness. Like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies. A year is nothing. It means nothing as I think about this. All I have is right now and right now I have decided to be happy. There is no such thing as too happy or too much happiness. This came to me in the middle of the night. I realized that I want every happiness all the time even in the midst of drama, crisis and self-doubt. I am deciding that I want to be happy. Not being more right, not smarter than, not better than...HAPPY!
My Ex is moving on and he has to live with his own conscience about how he left this family. It is not my life's role to remind him, or to punish him, or to guilt him into taking care of what he needs to do. Now a good attorney will handle shit if he falls by the wayside, but it has not come to that, so far he has been keeping his word to our children. Trying to show him my pain and how badly he hurt me is sad and keeps me stuck on stupid.
I have a bigger dream for myself and I have a life that I want to live, a life full of the love that is divinely designed for me and if I mess around with trying to punish him or shame him because he made a decision to choose happiness without me and our children as a package, then I lose out on receiving the blessings that are waiting for me. I only have to step from behind my fear. I am, boldly!
A Course in Miracles says "Love waits on welcome, not on time"
I have decided to welcome love in RIGHT NOW!