Wednesday, December 12, 2007

NIL

Lately friends have been gently hinting that I ought to test the dating waters. See what is out there. (Sigh) I have not given this any real thought. Oh yes I have fantasized about mind-blowing sex or some chance encounter with a dream lover. But to actually think about dating someone and going out and having light conversation with someone with the possibility of a love connection...NO! I mean I am a good looking woman, winning smile, charming personality and a great sense of humor. I am sort of smart and sort of well-read and sort of intelligent. I believe I am a gem. However, in addition, I am a newly minted felon who is on home confinement until March 31, 2008 and then probation for 3 years. This is not an attractive attribute. I mean come on, I am not so sure I would date me. Now I am NOT posting this because I am in need of a confidence booster...OK maybe a little. But I do know that this is going to be a huge obstacle for someone to deal with. I have a lot of shit I am dealing with and who would want to get in bed with all that. (SIGH)

Yesterday I was over at Sojourner g who's poem Nil moved me to a place of longing. The poem is haunting and drags me to a place that I was not prepared to think about. So here I am thinking about life after marriage. Sex after marriage. And dreaming that I will be the object of someones desire that is so beautifully expressed in the poem Nil. (SIGH)
I know all is as it should be and "True Love" will find me...when it is time.

8 comments:

alto artist said...

I would like to offer some words of confidence-boosting!--I have been reading your blog for only a short time, but have no doubt that your light and strength is apparent to all who meet you. When you are ready to go out there and show it to the world, I have no doubt that the right person--the one you are meant to meet--will see it, and will respond in turn.

--aa.

Jennifer said...

Take all of the "sort of" statements out of your mind. You are a WONDERFUL WOMAN! We all have our stuff. Anyone who claims they don't is lying or asleep.
Love is waiting. Love is here.

Mizrepresent said...

Gurl, join the party. Don't let your past define you though lady, you have a beatiful light, let it shine, and the right one will see it...until then, love you, that's what i'm trying to do...i know, lol it's gets hard sometimes, especially when Sojourner and Don keep kicking these made rhymes.

Lovebabz said...

alto artist, thank you for the confidence boosting. From your lips to God's ears!

Jennifer, you are right I am taking the "sort of" out and replacing with "I am"

mizrepresent, Girl, you are so right on the money. Sojourner G has conjured up thoughts i was hoping I wouldn't have to deal with for another couple of years...LOL! I am the one that I want--so loving me is at the top of my list.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

sounds like it was a great poem to me, if it makes think as such

Ms Smack said...

A lovely post, tentative but warm. I'm sure that if you keep your standards high (you deserve nothing less than the best), not accept crumbs, and respect yourself, you will find the man that is worthy to stand by your side.

Be prepared to kiss some frogs. They help us recognise Mr Right and surround yourself with people who love you if it goes pear-shaped. Everyone deserves safe, mutual lovin.

Keep us posted! :)

Sojourner G said...

You humble me. Nevertheless my response to your comment remain true. There is a time, a place and yes a companion for you. What you don't realize yet is that you have more to say about it than you think.

Consider this a gentle waking at the dawn of a new day.

Lovebabz said...

Frogs indeed Ms. Smack. For sure, I am no stranger to kissing frogs...it's real live men who I find troublesome.

Torrence, hop over to the site and check the poem...you will be pleasantly moved.

Sojourner G, yes I am beginning to get that sense of a dawning of a new day. Each day brings me closer to my own love affair with myself. All this other stuff is noise that keeps me from doing the necessary work in preparation for my divinew self to shine through. Thank you for coming back 'round.