Friday, January 30, 2009

FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: REMEMBERING MYSELF

I have lived an amazing life. I have done a great many things. Big bold GRAND things. I have traveled far and wide. I have loved, been loved and continue to love!

I am a mother, was a wife, been a fabulous girlfriend and a loyal Sister-friend. This is stuff I know. My resume is impressive. Awards, locally, nationally, internationally. I know folks EVERYWHERE! I have lived in some cool cool cool places. I have lived in some dives! I have drank champagne in some the swankiest hot spots around the globe. I have tossed back beer and shots in dives...I mean real DIVES! Some of the best fun I ever had was at the bar in a dive.

I am remembering myself. It is easy to forget what you have done when trouble comes and you immediately think it will break you. Or someone says some mean shit to you and you swear you won't recover. So I am remembering myself. Remembering that I have already walked through fire and can tell you how it was. I am remembering that I am living my dream deferred...not all but a great many. I am living my DREAMS. I need to remind myself of myself.

See everyone thinks they have an opinion how you ought to be. How you should be. Oh no babe. I get to decide how I want to be. I get to decide if I am mad, happy, glad or just bored. I need NO PERMISSION. I am remembering myself today because know one knows me better than I do. No one knows my fears, limitations and weaknesses better than I. I know what makes me feel good. I know how I like to be touched, kissed, made love to and can articulate that with confidence.

I am remembering myself because it is easy to forget all the successes, the good, all the bright lights. I am so much more than my worse moments. And it is the worse moments I remember when I am in the cross way. I am remembering myself because no one can lift me up but me and the DIVINE.

I am learning that people will project their fears onto your dreams. And the well wishing is so NOT well wishing but nay saying in disguise. See I am remembering who I am.

I KNOW FOR SURE, I can only be limited by my inability to dream the biggest dream for myself.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

RAW DAWG BUFFALO RADIO TONIGHT 11:00PM EST

FASHION: PERSONAL OR POLITCAL?
Join
Raw Dawg Buffalo Torrance Stephens, PhD. The veritable Kelso, popular contributor over at Hell's Leading Daily Newspaper and Me, as we discuss the impact of fashion on politics, pop culture, religion and history.

Yes, I got to choose this weeks topic...HOORAY!

Can Torrance and Kelso endure? TUNE IN!

We will be talking about the history, power and politics of Fashion including the First Lady's inaugural ball gown choices and the controversy surrounding First Lady, Michelle Obama's inaugural ball gown choice by a Cuban-American designer.

CALL-IN 347-324-5722
STICK AROUND FOR RAW DAWG BUFFALO AFTER HOURS...THE SHOW AFTER THE SHOW...

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: THE NAKED TRUTH

Yesterday I said I was sick of Oprah whining about her weight. I said I was sick of whining about my weight. Dieting and diet addiction is a hard thing to break. We are bombarded by images of women who seemingly are happier because they are thinner. They are having better sex. Their kids are more well behaved. Their clothes are cleaner. All because they are thinner....WOW! So here I come armed with enough self confidence to fill a football stadium and still I buckle under the pressure to achieve thinness. Sure I say all the right things....health, energy, long life. But really it is about self image. Underneath...the naked truth.


Most times I am not affected by how I look. I still feel like I got swagger. But when I start to compare myself to (insert: Sister-Friends, Blood-Sister, Movie Stars, Rock Stars, Models and Jabba-The-Hut--Star Wars) The diet addiction kicks in. I start plotting and dreaming and imagining how much better my life will be if I lose weight.

What kills me is that I have so many interest that hold my attention that when I get stuck on stupid it drives me nuts. I know better. My worth is not tied to a size. My ability to get dates or be in love or run a business, or raise kids, has next to nothing to do with my size. Unless I am talking about the size of my heart! So I am going to continue to discern my feelings about my weight as I create and adhere to an exercise plan that lovingly makes me feel energized!
Continuing this conversation today on:
The Naked Truth:
Discerning Our Issues With Weight
12:30pm est
CALL-IN 718-766-4895

Monday, January 26, 2009

SHUT UP OPRAH!

Let me start by saying I LOVE Oprah! There is no one better on daytime TV. She has done a great deal of good in the world. But I am sick and tired of her whining about her weight!

I am sick and tired of whining about my weight too! The time I use up on this planet worrying about weight issues...when to eat...what to eat..how to eat and knowing full well there are people starving...not a continent away...but here in my city. Really this is about perspective. This is about having TOO MUCH! I have wasted time crying and fretting and losing sleep about being round...being fat...being anything other than happy. Do I really believe I would be happier thinner? Do I really believe all my problems stem from being fat? Come on. If a man loves me...he loves me...in this body...not some body in the future. But here's the real deal...I GOTTA LOVE ME IN THIS BODY...NOW!

Yes, having high blood pressure is a very dangerous and serious thing. But If I came at this weight loss issue from a health perspective and not a vanity perspective then this problem is managed and or eradicated. See I am really really really sick of thinking and whining and plotting and planning about dieting. So I am just going to eat less...move more that's it! Periodically I will post where I am in my progress over the next year. I am joining the likes of my new found blog sister, Leslie J. Ansley, The Daily Crouton who is tracking her weight loss for a year. She is inspiring!

So Shut Up Oprah about your weight. Deal with what's really underneath your weight gain and be happy. Damn.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

HELPING HAND...AN AWARD



Thanks to my blog Sister, Sista GP for graciously and unexpectedly bestowing this award on me! It is no secret that I LOVE presents and awards are just that!

Yes I will happily and lovingly pass it on...later! Right now its hanging on my blog wall.

Friday, January 23, 2009

FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: I CAN WAIT

I had a date. A real date. As dates goes it was OK. He seemed like a nice man...a bit self absorbed.. a bit arrogant...and superficial. All that is fine. I am not pressed by it. But I realized, I AM NOT READY TO DATE!

See as he was sitting there talking about him...all about him. I realized I was not excited. I didn't feel fun. He did not peak my interest. Perhaps I am being too finicky. But there is something to getting a vibe on someone. There is something to being open to new possibilities. But I am not interested in being glib, acting like a pageant queen, careful as to how I present. Over thinking my comments. I am just not ready. Truly.

I have all that I need. Great Sister-friends. A best friend (RT) who I hang out with once a month over drinks & dinner. I am getting comfortable in my aloness...my uncoupled state. I think I wanted some steamy sexy tryst(s). I thought I wanted mindless, unemotional, disconnected sexual encounters....I do not. I want sex. I want sex in a thoughtful, loving way.

I can wait.

I can wait. Wait for the love that I need and desire. I can wait on committed sex. I can wait on intimacy and loveship.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A BRAND NEW DAY!

STING & STEVIE WONDER AT THE NEIGHBORHOOD INAUGURAL BALL
I AM FEELING THIS TODAY!




How many of you people out there
Been hurt in some kind of love affair
And how many times do you swear that youll never love again?

How many lonely, sleepless nights
How many lies, how many fights
And why would you want to put yourself through all that again?

love is pain, I hear you say
Love has a cruel and bitter way
Of paying you back for all the faith you ever had in your brain

How could it be that what you need the most
Can leave you feeling just like a ghost?
You never want to feel so sad and lost again

One day you could be looking
Through an old book in rainy weather
You see a picture of her smiling at you
When you were still together
You could be walking down the street
And who should you chance to meet
But that same old smile that youve been thinking of all day

You can turn the clock to zero, honey
Ill sell the stock, well spend all the money
Were starting up a brand new day

Turn the clock all the way back
I wonder if shell take me back
Im thinking in a brand new way

Turn the clock to zero, sister
Youll never know how much I missed her
Starting up a brand new day

Turn the clock to zero, boss
The rivers wide, well swim across
Started up a brand new day

It could happen to you - just like it happened to me
Theres simply no immunity - theres no guarantee
I say loves such a force - if you find yourself in it
And sometimes no reflection is there

Baby wait a minute, wait a minute
Wait a minute, wait a minute
Wait a minute, wait a minute

Turn the clock to zero, honey
Ill sell the stock, well spend all the money
Were starting up a brand new day

Turn the clock to zero, mac
Im begging her to take me back
Im thinking in a brand new way

Turn the clock to zero, boss
The rivers wide, well swim across
Started up a brand new day

Turn the clock to zero buddy
Dont wanna be no fuddy duddy
Started up a brand new day

Im the rhythm in your tune
Im the sun and youre the moon
Im a bat and youre the cave
Youre the beach and Im the wave
Im the plow and youre the land
Youre the glove and Im the hand
Im the train and youre the station
Im a flagpole to your nation - yeah

Stand up all you lovers in the world
Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Starting up a brand new day

Im the present to your future
Youre the wound and Im the suture
Youre the magnet to my pole
Im the devil in your soul
Youre the pupil Im the teacher
Youre the church and Im the preacher
Youre the flower Im the rain
Youre the tunnel Im the train

Stand up all you lovers in the world
Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Starting up a brand new day

Youre the crop to my rotation
Youre the sum of my equation
Im the answer to your question
If you follow my suggestion
We can turn this ship around
Well go up instead of down
Youre the pan and Im the handle
Youre the flame and Im the candle

Stand up all you lovers in the world
Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Were starting up a brand new day

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: MY INAUGURAL SENTIMENTS

The joy of this day is not lost on the masses. No matter who you are, what your ethnic background or economic standing. There is much to celebrate.

History will capture this moment. It will tell generations to come this is what we did. This is who we chose at this moment in time. My heart is full. History cannot capture that. This blog is my time capsule. It is my living journal of who I am and how I feel about my life.

I feel more connected to this blog today more than ever before. In my lifetime I witnessed much and today is the capstone of that. Today we have an African American President swearing in as the 44th President of the United States of America. Truly heart-stopping.

The world is overwhelmed with problems and wars and trouble and drama and more wars. And one man cannot solve all the world's problems. But one man can inspire the world to look to itself to stop the pain and suffering. One man can certainly motivate the world to live better.

So my prayer is rather simple...let love rule.


Friday, January 16, 2009

FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: FRIENDSHIP IS ESSENTIAL TO THE SOUL

The fine men Of Omega Psi Phi Fraternity Inc. motto Friendship Is Essential To The Soul.

From the moment I heard those words I know immediately what that meant. Those close to me know that I profoundly value friendship. My friendships are the roots from which I grow and thrive. I would be nothing or nowhere without the folks who's very existence make my existence matter.

Yes, I know folks who believe a true friend would lay down their life for you. Or would take a bullet, or some other extreme measure to show they love you. But I say the real measure of friendship is in living for me. Friendship is about vibrancy and love and connectedness. It is standing with me even when it rains. It is calling when there is no real reason to call other than to say hello. It is anticipating the need before I even know the need is there.

Friendship is not about measuring the depth of love. It is for me, about the ordinary. The mundane. The sublime. It is the romance of the simpleness of the day. It is I am thinking of you and letting my actions speak. It is extending myself on your behalf without judgement. It is you extending yourself to me without judgement. Truly.

Friendship is intimate. It takes guts and courage to be a real friend. To love. To put aside your personal limitations and stand in the gap when needed.

I celebrate my friends with gifts of kindness and presents and good will. I speak lovingly to my friends and hold them near to my heart. I think only good thoughts for them and when they hurt I hurt. When they are joyous I raise my voice joyfully. When they are in prayer...I too, go to my knees with them. I stand in solidarity for their righteous causes. I ask them to bear witness to my living.

No, dying, for me is not a true measure of love. Living and loving and loving and living is all that is necessary.

In my heart of hearts I only want the best for my friends as I do for all the earth. My circle may be small and we all have our trials and tribulations and somehow we manage to hold up the world. We celebrate each other as best we can and when we greet one another it is with songs in our hearts and smiles on our lips.

My friends accept me. They know me. They love me all the same. That is divine.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

MY WORTH

With age comes wisdom...I hope...I pray! I do know that at 45 I see the world very differently than I did at 25 and 35. I know my 20's was all about discovery and learning about relationships and racing from one club to the next. My 30's were all about thinking about being connected. Career development and upward mobility.

Now that I am on the other side of 40 and loving it. I know what I am worth. I know what I can tolerate and stand. The last 2 years were tough. My marriage ended...my finances were a mess. I was in danger of losing my home and I felt alone. But I persevered. Persevered on my own steam. I dug in and trusted myself to get through to the next day.

Standing in my own skin I know damn well I cannot tolerate foolishness and mayhem...thanks Princess Tinybutt! I cannot go back to questionable relationships. Not knowing how someone feels about me. I am not going back to chasing or questioning someone intentions towards me. If you are not clear...certain...direct...forthright...or Grown I am not messing with you. I am not entertaining future involvements nor am I wasting my time.

I know my worth.

I would rather be alone than to be entangled with someone who is not sure...or afraid...or has other unfinished relationship drama. See I am a Grown Woman...not easily intimidated by anyone. I am a woman of heart and mind and I do not have the patience for Men who pretend to be men but really have way too many insecurities...excuses...or just lack integrity.

There is a big world out there and I want to be in! And if I have to be in it as a Single woman...I say BRING IT ON!

At the end of the day living the life I want is my priority. I am happy. I am in command of my senses. I am on a path that I am excited about. My worth shows in my step and smile and in the love that radiates from within.

I know my worth and the Brother that sees that will know it too.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: HOPE IS NOT A STRATEGY

It is not enough to make resolutions and not put any action behind your best intentions. We all can talk a good game, but what are we willing to do to win the game? Oh I am a great talker. And sometimes I am a great doer...sometimes I say. There are moments that I just wish, hope, pray and then sit. Sit as in do nothing. Now I am one for being still. I am one for letting the hand of God move through-in and throughout my life. I am not talking about being still. I am talking about not getting my hustle on. Not seizing the day...Carpe Diem...NOT!

Hope is not a strategy. Worrying is not a strategy. Doling out excuses is not a strategy. There is success to be had but it must be earned and tended to. I am not suggesting there is some universal success. And I am not suggesting that we keep up with the Joneses or model ourselves after celebrities. We each have to design our own models of success and work toward them with joy and determination.

Tuesday January 13, 2009
12:30 pm est Call In 718-766-4895 or click link to listen
WELCOMING Yolanda Shoshana "Shoshi", The Luscious Lifestyle Diva as today's guest. The Luscious Life is about leaving behind the good enough life for a life that feeds you and leaves you full. It is living your life by design and not by default. The Luscious Life is about YOU unleashing yourself to have fun, feel fierce, and to be luscious! http://www.lusciouslifestylediva.com/ http://www.yolandashoshana.blogspot.com/

Monday, January 12, 2009

DONE WITH CRUMBS....

One of the great things about the new year is taking stock of last year's behaviors. Looking back on last years feelings I have come to realize that I settled for so little from people. My expectations were high but what I accepted was so little...crumbs.

If I am honest with my feelings and my actions about accepting crumbs then I have to confess to being afraid to ask for more. AFRAID TO ASK FOR MORE! Because when you ask for more you run the risk of hearing there isn't more to give or worse...I don't want to give you more. Oh that is painful. And so I accepted crumbs because crumbs seem better than nothing....right? WRONG WRONG WRONG AS THE DAY IS LONG LONG LONG!

Aha! I know better. I will do better. I will be better. Back to the basics...back to square one:
  1. I AM WORTHY OF TIME BEING SPENT WITH!
  2. I AM AN AMAZING WOMAN!
  3. I AM SMART. WITTY. AND CHARMING!
  4. I AM NOT ACCEPTING CRUMBS. FROM ANYONE. AT ANY TIME. ANYMORE!

Friday, January 9, 2009

THE BLACK GIRL NEXT DOOR...A MEMOIR

INTRODUCING MY SISTER-FRIEND JB!

Jennifer Baszile is the one I speak lovingly about ALL THE TIME! She is the consummate Sista/girl-friend. Always there with a band-aid, kind words and VEGAN BAKED GOODS!

She has a new book out The Black Girl Next Door and I hope you will love it as much as I do! It is a MUST READ! Yes I will review it for February...my favorite month dedicated to love and I LOVE HER! So go out and pick this up...you will love it!

Check out the New York Times Review & the LA Times Review




Thursday, January 8, 2009

IT'S ALL THE WAY LIVE!

I am not rushing into anything. I am purposeful in all my endeavors. I am purposeful in my loveships and friendships. I am purposeful in my living. That is my only commitment to myself that I be purposeful and authentic.

I cannot afford the wasting of time. Each moment is my moment. Each day that I am blessed I am given 24 hours to manifest good things. That's how I see it. I am not interested in fear, or unhappiness or waiting in vain for some one's love and attention. I am using all 24 hours to the best of my ability. Even if it doesn't look like that to other folks standing outside of my life. I am living my life. I am breaking old habits. I am being smarter about who I allow in my life. I am being more deliberate in my pursuit of happiness. And I am laughing!

My blog Sister MizRepresent was inspired to call a few us together to share in her vision of creating a way to share what we know to help and support others to Live Their Best Lives. Yes we are taking our cues from Oprah and we are owning our lives and our happiness. Every Wednesday we will be speaking from our place of experiences and sharing our stories. We hope you will join us and be inspired too! Miz has pulled together some of the most talented and authentic folks I have ever seen in the blogsphere. I am just happy to be a part of the team!

Raw Dawg Buffalo Radio is turning into quite the round table to be at on Thursday nights! Working with Torrance Stephens, PhD., and Kelso is a true pleasure. I am having the time of my life. Tonight's topic: What Does A Man Want In A Woman. 11:00pm est call in 347-324-5722 I may be screaming!

Lovebabz LoveTalk is truly a dream come true! I am so loving my 45 minutes on Tuesdays at 12:30pm est. I get to focus on things that are near and dear to my heart...LOVE! So tune in...I have some FABULOUS guest coming up who have great insight into creating the lives of our dreams!

I am still walking on the wild erotic side with The Pussy Chats. The amount of talented folks who contribute is mind-blowing. It is eroticism for Grown folks. We are not gratuitous or nasty. We are adult, and it is the kind of stuff that while it is titillating, it is not objectifying men or women...OK not that much. Capcity and I are very mindful of the content. It is for me a delight and a guilty pleasure! If nothing else, come over and listen to our fabulous play list!

Oh yes I have more cooking on the stove and will serve it up hot when it's done! I am owning 2009! The World is MINE!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: A WOMAN'S SWAGGER IS CONFIDENCE

My Blog Brother Clnmike is writing a series of posts called deal breakers...things that he just can't abide in dating women. Deal Breaker #5 Low-Self Esteem, caught me on the chin...like a sucker punch.

Now I do not believe I have low self esteem. I confess I have been stupid in relationships and dating and so on (pre & post marriage). And I have been out of the game for well over a decade...but what struck me at about his post is that I have heard and seen women operate from a place of low self esteem that makes me want to smack them up side the head (no not advocating violence against anyone) but still.

If you constantly ask a man if you look fat in anything...eventually he will see what you are pointintg out. If you drag a man shopping and think that is couple time...think again. If you pout and whine because a man has "Guys Night Out" get a life and some Girlfriends and get out. If sports is his thing and you schedule competing activities you will lose...every time. If you have to check his whereabouts 50 millions times a day that is NOT CONFIDENT. If you have to spy his cellphone...NOT CONFIDENT. If you sit at home waiting for him to call you and he doesn't and you make excuses for him...NOT CONFIDENT!

If a man digs you he will call you. He will want to have sex with you. He will want to spend time with you. If he says he is busy...that is code for...I AM NOT FEELING YOU! Get over it and move on. If a man wants to be with you he will find a way to be with you. YOU CANNOT WIN OVER A MAN WHO IS NOT FEELING YOU. NOR CAN YOU WHINE YOUR WAY INTO HIS HEART.

Confidence is knowing who you are in the body you have right now. It is being delighted with the what is. It is living in this moment and not wishing...hoping ...praying for tomorrow. Confidence is speaking your mind and not being afraid of what "He" might think. Confidence is being authentic. Confidence is WALKING THE EARTH LIKE YOU MEAN IT!

I am checking my swagger. It is easy to let your confidence slide when you meet someone you think might be "The ONE" but really that is the time when you need every ounce of confidence. That is the time that you have to be yourself. It is your authenticity that will speak to someone's spirit.

I am talking about Confidence today on Lovebabz LOVETALK 12:30pm est
Call in or listen 718-766-4895

Sunday, January 4, 2009

2009 THE WORLD IS MINE!

2009 THE WORLD IS MINE!

I got an invitation to a party from my Sister-friend Sharon...Just Write Now! And the first thing you saw on the invitation was 2009 THE WORLD IS MINE! It just spoke to me. So that is my MANTRA!

It is lovely to be back on my trusty steed...my blog! 2008 was wonderful. I meet some fine folks in blog land! I mean some I love with all my heart and soul! Last year it was all about Love and Happiness. I had some resolutions...about 10. I have learned that there are no hard and fast rules about resolutions. I try to keep it simple. I use them as road maps. A way to stay focused on what I say is important to me. Not a way to measure success or measure how poorly I am doing. No. It is about finding my own truths and making room for what is. Making room for what is!

So what am I up for in 2009? EVERYTHING! MORE LOVE...JOY...LAUGHTER...GREAT MEALS...GOOD FRIENDS...CRUSHES...ROMANCE...MOTHERING...EVERYTHING HEAVEN WILL ALLOW!

So this blog is my solace...my place to grow...think...ponder...discern..and share my life. I am up for it. I am renewed and confident. I am fearless. I am bold. I am eager and ready for 2009...right now!

If I love you....and I do...you already know it and you will feel it from now on! In every breath... with every thought... with every hello and good bye. With every thing in me... you will know that I love you...fully and deeply.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Friday, January 2, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIANA!


WISHING MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

SHE IS 12 YEARS OLD TODAY!
Dearest ,
I want you to know that I loved you before the moment the door opened and there you stood. I know your Dad loves to tell you this story of how he felt. But I wanted to tell you mine. I knew when we got the call and they sent over the photo that you were my kid. Your picture stirred my heart and I knew I was prepared to do anything and everything to bring you home to us.
I love the way you are growing up. I admire your kind and generous spirit. I love the way you will persevere. You taught yourself to ride a bike, to do cartwheels, to draw, and so many other things. You are soft spoken, but strong and unafraid. I like that about you. I like that you can turn things around and make something out of nothing. I like that you are learning to go your own way and not listen too much to friends.
I am proud of you. I admire you. I love you with all my heart and soul. There is no one like you in all of the world. You are the best and I am so very blessed that GOD chose me to be your mother.
Happiest of Birthdays!
Love,
Mom