Monday, April 27, 2009

LIFE TRANSITIONING...

I am not failing at anything. I am not drowning in self pity...OK pretty close. But I have learned over the last couple of years to recognize the negative chatter in my head. To face the fears that are bold and greet them with my sword drawn. Sometimes they come sweetly...as a whisper...seductively... seemingly harmless. Always under the guise of good advice or empathy or concern. But really they are poisonous. They destroy and harm and break the spirit.

It is those moments that hurt the most. The fears that pull me in with comforting thoughts of do nothing...be nothing...sit and wait...waste time. And me in my perceived wounded state agrees and surrenders to the madness of self pity and doubt.

When I am not FOCUSED ON MYSELF...the world can hurt me. People can hurt me. When I am not steadfast in my faith that I am DIVINE...the world can hurt me. People can hurt me. Sometimes the knife comes and you don't even feel it until its way too late. But its never to late to get hold of your senses.

It is clear to me that I am transitioning again...changing...grown a bit more. Each time this happens old wounds rear their ugly head and I can feel self-pity and doubt arrive ready to party. It is not that I haven't learned any lessons...I have. I believe these old wounds are opening up because it is time to heal them for good. I've gotten new tools and now its time to call them forth. I believe that I am about to step into more of myself. That my dreams of long of ago are just within reach. That this is another example of shedding old to make way for the new. This one thought saves me.

I have been brave all of my life. I have endured much. I believe my humanity remains in tact and that I truly love deeply. I am happiest when I am in love with the world rather than at odds with it. There is a new path ahead and I am steadfast in blazing forward. There is no choice but to follow the will of God. I hear it assuredly as I hear my children call my name.

This truly is a life in transition.

BIRTHDAY COUNTDOWN!
SATURDAY MAY 2ND
I WANT SONGS, LYRICS & LINKS TO SONGS THAT
YOU THINK DESCRIBE ME...COMPLIMENT ME OR YOU JUST THINK I WOULD LOVE!

2 comments:

Solomon said...

It sounds like you are making excellent progress Lovebabz. From your words it sounds like the pain and disappointment of your past is falling away, if only a little at a time. But a little at a time over an extended period of time equals progress.

Princess Tinybutt said...

yes solomon... progress.

go warrior queen.