Sunday, April 26, 2009

IT'S ALWAYS JAZZ SUNDAY: UNCHARTED WATERS

So much of how I maneuver in the world comes from a place of lack. I find myself easily focused on what I do not have. What's not in front of me. What I am without. I know better. I truly know better. But to overcome this mindset requires a commitment to consciousness. I must always ask myself the big questions...the hard questions: What is this feeling? Why am I feeling it? and What can I do about it?

Things catch me off guard all the time...as if I am unprepared for the shit that people do. Each time that I am hurt it is like the first time ever. I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. You would think I would be more protective of my heart. I am not. So I get wounded. The wounds affect my willingness to be intimate and be open and welcoming. This is the side affect of a wounded heart and spirit. Its not about being on guard it is about becoming unwelcoming. Each hurt pulls me further and further away from a welcoming heart. Love waits on welcome...not on time

So here I am living this life. Noticing that I need to be kinder to myself and to give myself a break...but at the same time I need to push myself beyond the mundane and the moderate. I am not living as grandly as I like. I am not chasing the day. I am still controlled by fear and what-ifs and lack. Self doubt is commanding a strong offense and I am feeling helpless in my defense.

I am fearful and afraid. I have tools to combat this. I am summoning all my courage and all my self preserving tools. The eternal optimist in me loves to win and is not going to go without a fight. I have a fighting spirit. I know how to climb hills and mountains.

So this week I am creating a life strategy that I am launching for my birthday. I am reading and discerning and meditating and praying as I am about to turn this ship of a life in a new direction...uncharted waters.

MY BIRTHDAY COUNTDOWN
NEXT SATURDAY MAY 2ND IS MY 46TH BIRTHDAY
CELEBRATE WITH ME BY PICKING AND EMAILING A SONG...LYRICS...LINKS TO SONGS. I WILL POST THEM ALL!
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6 comments:

Marvin D. Wilson said...

Go bravely forth into those unchartered waters. That's what life is supposed to be all about. Break through barriers, stretch, reach and be all that you can be. Good for you.

Loved this post. Hey nice blog - First time visitor, followed you over here from blogger buddy Mizrepresent. I'll be back. :)

Marvin D Wilson
http://inspiritandtruths.blogspot.com/

Lovebabz said...

Hello friend,
Yes you have been here before...its the new look that is not jogging your memory...used to be BLACK...STARK...BLEAK!

I have to be the Commander I Chief! So off we go....

The Artist In Me said...

Hey Love! The realization of getting stronger and pushing forward with each occurance is what fuels your character to grow to be that which GOD desires for it to be.

Keep pushing, praying, meditating, fasting, loving, sharing, and being you!

Rich Fitzgerald said...

I'm calling you this week, we are overdue.

Lovebabz said...

Hello AIM!

I am moving forward better...stronger and with as much grace as I can :)

Fitzgerald,
YES! We are overdue for a chat!

LadyLee said...

Well Babz... I myself am doing something similar this week on my blog. Be sure to come on by...

I'm going through something similar. But as always, you have a knack for succinctly explaining this complex hodge-podge of feelings in a way that I can't.

When we realize that there is a problem, and then muster up the courage to face it... well, we have pretty much won the battle. It's just a matter of patiently walking out the path that leads to our victory, whatever it is we're trying to conquer. I am very sure of that.

Walk out the path, girl. Walk it out.