Flutter is my blog Sister. I was on a panel with her at BlogHer 08 in San Francisco. We are connected by sexual violence committed against us. We both have created healing blog communities. We are both on this journey toward happiness and completion and love. She wrote this moving post. It speaks to me in such a grand way I knew I wanted to repost it here. She said I could. I am grateful!
I dedicate this to someone dear to me. ((RWT))
I love you, in you know, a completely platonic way….
Posted by Flutter November 24th, 2008
An empty page, a blinding lack of words where always, I have one.
I draw inward at the scope of this and I wonder how much two people can endure. I wonder how much of me I can inflict on you. I wonder, if you know. If you know how much I truly love you. I wonder if you know how your laughter fills me. How your brilliance awes me. How you are all of the things I am not.
How I can never be all of the things you are.
How I want you. Always, to be filling what is empty in me. What is made for you. I may not always say or show, sometimes my pain is so great that I am afraid to open the door. But I want you in. I want you on every wall, behind every door, in every corner. I want your presence, your smell your love to shake the dust out of all of the dead parts and pull out what is vibrant.
I want your support, always. I always strive to make you proud and come up so short. I am afraid to ask for what I need, not because I think you will not give it, but because I think I am not worth the favor. Before you, no one has ever believed. Not even me. Especially not me. But I am trying. Small steps into the light.
Into your light.
I love you in all the ways I thought possible and even more all the ways I never even considered