Wednesday, November 19, 2008


I am getting ready to be legally divorced. We have a scheduled court date for mid-December. More than likely I will be divorced before Christmas. My ex and I have been separated for over a year now. But according to him he was unhappy in the marriage for several years. Sigh. I am not interested in his unhappiness now. I cannot fix past things. I cannot fix present things.

I am however sad. I am not rehashing past history. Nor do I wish to revise history. It was an extraordinary love affair...the stuff legends are made of. A compelling story. A story my children love to hear. They love to hear how their parents fell in love and got married and lived happily ever after. They especially love the part when I wished on a star 4 times and viola! they arrived. Charming.

So here I am creating a life that I did not think I would have to on my own. My ex wishes me well....wants to be friends...will always love me...would never find another like me...all others pale in comparison...and yet he has left me...anyway.

I am indeed grateful and blessed for all that I have. The road was never easy. The path was often dark, unclear and treacherous. I am forever grateful for the lamps upon my path. I am not concerned about being in love again or getting married. What is meant for me will not get by me. I believe that. My prayers are for peace in my house and in the world. I am learning new prayers that celebrate joy and clarity and goodness and redemption.

I am a earth mother. A woman who puts down roots. A woman who nurtures. I revel in this new found definition. I am becoming more of myself as I was designed. I am coming towards the end of the marriage, and at the same time the beginning of a new sense of self.

I am getting divorced and it does make me sad. I now must turn my attention to what else is ahead. What new adventures await. I have been prepared...steel sharpens steel!

Towards the end is really the continuation of an amazing story.


lis said...

Wow. I know this is a hard situation. I hope it's therapeutic to share. You seem to have a very good grasp on things. i know it's still very painful. I pray for your peace of heart and mind. :-) Keep on keepin on sista!

A Go Bytch said...

Love... do you still want to be with your ex??? I have an auntie that got a divorce from her husband over 30 years ago and just last year her and her husband remarried. She was single like ever since I knew her. I only knew her and her girls. So you are right what is for you is for your and will NOT get by you even if it's HIM. I wish you well hun.

Go b.

Jim said...

Well Said Lovebabz, all we can do is press on, and be the best we can be!


T said...

I am sorry to hear of your divorce.

For every ending, there is a beginning. Sounds like the start of an adventure that I may end up knowing in the future.

Growth continues unless it's stunted & maybe it was, who knows.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

I've been there twice myself. The official signing and agreement when kids are involved as you know is one of the less significant milestones in the process.

You're bright, gifted, educated, strong and kind. You'll make it.

On the subject of "being friends" with one's ex, that can't be planned in advance. I am friends with my first wife and am godfather to her son.

I cannot abide my second ex yet we have the burden of an international joint custody arrangement. Although I never loved her, she remains a big stressor for me on many levels. She is capable of such malevolence that I hope each day that she'll find a man who will bring some sunshine into her life, but she enjoys her misery too much.

It's all a wait and see thing. My money's on you!

The Bear Maiden said...

I was divorced ages and ages ago in another life, and I dread bringing him up cuz {{{shudder}}}} I don't want to dredge him back into my life. EVER. We'll NEVER be friends. Even so, I still remember getting the letter in the mail informing me that the divorce was final, and that I had to go to the records room at the court house for a copy of the decree. It was a quickie "uncontested" divorce cuz we had no child, no property, no money in common. I remember feeling sad. Not for him. Not for me. But for the death of the idea of "happy ever after". It's sad that all the dreams of happy ever after come down to a piece of paper, and that's all. Very anticlimactic.

Babydaddy on the other hand... we have a child in common and because of that it took me 6 years to extricate myself from him. And when it ended, it was also kind of sad. And very anticlimatic. And as much as I hated him throughout the custody trial, an odd thing has happened... we've made a peace. I don't know that I consider him a freind, per se, but at least he's not my sworn enemy. Which is good, cuz enmity takes an awful lot of work, and I'm kind of a lazy chick.

So I understand the sadness. But it won't last long :) And when you're free of the process of divorce you'll appreciate all over again your new freedom.

The day of your divorce make sure you play Nina Simone: "It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me, and I'm feeling good...."

flutter said...

the end is almost always the beginning

Angie-Nuvision said...

Babz, I wish you the best as you move into this new season of your life. May you remain in the palm of His hand.

I listened to the show. It was so cool to hear your voice! I'm looking forward to hearing more of you and the gang.

Ms Smack said...

I don't how good he is.. he doesn't deserve you.. and I'm sorry, but I hope he realises that sooner than later, but preferably after you've realised how fantastic you really are and how it's HIS loss.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

a new day, a new dawn

Keith said...

You're going to be just fine..LB..
Believe will..God closes up one door and opens another one..
A year from now, you're going to be standing so tall..and you're going to look back and see how far you've come..And remember, you've always got a friend right here if you ever need inspiration..lololol
I offer myself at your disposal-

Lovebabz said...

Thank you for your kind prayers.

I DO NOT want to be with him. it is still sad to get divorced.

And press on we do! Thank you for dropping in.

Well I blog just about everything in this big no doubt you will hear about the next chapters...LOL!

Thanks...if you are putting money on me than I must be a winner baby!

Dearest Bear-Maiden,
Yes, Nina Simone is ready to be played! And will have a glass of champagne.

Dearest Flutter,
Yes you are so right!

Oh I am so thrilled you got to listen in! As long as my voice doesn't grate your nerves.

Ms. Smack,
You and I have talked a great deal about this...thank you. He does not deserve

Wise words indeed!

Lovebabz said...

Thank for your kind thoughts. I appreciate you extending yorself on my behalf. The blogsphere is truly a wonderous place.

I never lose sight of how far I come. Look now. It is amazing thus far.

Moanerplicity said...

The end of a marriage is a little death on the path of our journey. It's perfectly understandable to grieve any death as a part of life. But as long as you believe in the spirit of renewal, then so much more love & life & a life of love awaits you further down the path.

Keep snatchin JOY!


Ensayn1 said...

Lovebabz, I feel you on this. I have been in your shoes. Our situation was so ugly that it was a must that we divorce for the sake of the children and my sanity. I stopped talking to her the day my son turned 18 and refuse to speak with her to this day and our son is 23 years old. She has injuries only she and God can repair. On Dec, 3 I will see her again on an occasion for our son, I will communicate cordially on that day only. However, on the day we did the final paperwork so many many years ago it was a sad process though it had to happen. Once the process is done you will move forward and grow. And grow well.

NoRegrets said...

Best of luck. The day it actually happens is tough. yOU are stron gthough.

Aunt Jackie said...

for some reason the words of my dear friend Susan ring in my head as I read this.

My last conversation with Susan, she was at the end of her life and yet so filled with life as she simply stated.

"I get it now, I really get it! If we can let go of how we think life is supposed to be, we can actually enjoy what life is...."

I'm passing those precious words on to you with cyber hugs sister friend!

Jody said...

I found you through

I am struck by your voice: calm and wise. I am friends with my ex, and I believe it is best, whenever possible, to find peace with everyone significant in our lives. With peace, we forgive not only the other person, but ourselves.

I bless you on your journey.

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

Beginning a new chapter in life, eh? Here's a toast to new beginnings. Cheers.

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

I am catching up from when I was away during my birthday week. (translation - I know I'm late)

I had to comment on this. I know the sadness you are feeling. I felt it in August. Looking back I do have a storybook story on how we met and began to date, but there are no children to share it with.

The sadness is for the end of something you believed in whole-heartedly and it is warranted. I do not want my ex back but it is still sad that it ended.

Know that how you feel is valid, that it takes time to heal so that moving on is possible. Remember to keep your heart open to the many possibilites that await you.

You have more options than you can shake a stick at!

Heath said...

Its always better to end a difficult marriage rather than suffer in one.

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