I am getting ready to be legally divorced. We have a scheduled court date for mid-December. More than likely I will be divorced before Christmas. My ex and I have been separated for over a year now. But according to him he was unhappy in the marriage for several years. Sigh. I am not interested in his unhappiness now. I cannot fix past things. I cannot fix present things.
I am however sad. I am not rehashing past history. Nor do I wish to revise history. It was an extraordinary love affair...the stuff legends are made of. A compelling story. A story my children love to hear. They love to hear how their parents fell in love and got married and lived happily ever after. They especially love the part when I wished on a star 4 times and viola! they arrived. Charming.
So here I am creating a life that I did not think I would have to on my own. My ex wishes me well....wants to be friends...will always love me...would never find another like me...all others pale in comparison...and yet he has left me...anyway.
I am indeed grateful and blessed for all that I have. The road was never easy. The path was often dark, unclear and treacherous. I am forever grateful for the lamps upon my path. I am not concerned about being in love again or getting married. What is meant for me will not get by me. I believe that. My prayers are for peace in my house and in the world. I am learning new prayers that celebrate joy and clarity and goodness and redemption.
I am a earth mother. A woman who puts down roots. A woman who nurtures. I revel in this new found definition. I am becoming more of myself as I was designed. I am coming towards the end of the marriage, and at the same time the beginning of a new sense of self.
I am getting divorced and it does make me sad. I now must turn my attention to what else is ahead. What new adventures await. I have been prepared...steel sharpens steel!
Towards the end is really the continuation of an amazing story.