My Crush believes that there is a standard to parenting. That any parent regardless of ability and capacity to parent knows there is a standard and should rise to the occasion of good parenting because they are parents. He is right and wrong. Just because someone births a child doesn't make them a parent. And just because someone says they love you to a child doesn't mean that it's true. Not if you believe love is a verb.
I believe parenting is a choice. It is commitment to children in the highest order. It is a selfless act of love. My soon-to-be Ex husband doesn't get that concept of parenting...selfless acts of love. I have no doubt that he loves his children. But I am baffled how he can dole out his time with them. He tries to see them everyday. I say tries because some days he has other things going on. Or he has plans or he is working overtime, or he is tired, or he has to do laundry, or he has to do...whatever. But I say so what! These beautiful children will only be children for a bit longer and he will miss all their best moments.
Once Margeaux was really sick. She started throwing up blood at around 2:00 am in the morning. My Ex was not home, he didn't come home, he didn't call. I called our pediatrician who said get her to the emergency room---we have a children's emergency room here. I called my Ex-I paged, I beeped...no answer. I get ALL the children up at 2:30 am in the dead of Winter and take them all with me to the ER. I get my Brother at 6:00 am who rushes to the hospital. He then goes back to our house and My Ex is there laying the bed. My Brother maintained his composure as he tells my Ex that we are all at the ER. When my Ex arrives at 8:30 am, he says to me : I got your messages. I said well when you came home and didn't see your family didn't you think this was serious. He said: I thought you were using the children to hurt me. WTF! I thought I was going to faint. I said what in my character, our history and my life, would make you even think that I would use my children to hurt you. How do you get there with that? He apologized. But so what? He thought that about me. And I swear it still hurts. IT STILL HURTS!
In that moment I realized what I was dealing with. A person with a small spirit who never knew me as a woman or as a parent. There is no convincing in love.
What I know is this: Raising children and loving children and caring about children is not a part-time deal. It is not when you feel like it, it is not when you have time. It is not when you feel good. It is not when you get yourself together, it is not when you have more money. It is not when you get your education finished, it is not when you get back from finding out who you are.
I am a PARENT. Parenting is LOVE in action. All day. Everyday. No Exceptions. No Excuses.
1000 Things I want to Do Before I Die:
11. Drink Beer in Belgium
12. Sail on the Nile in Egypt
13. See Victoria Falls in Zambia
14. Ski in Aspen, CO.
15. Pray at Goree Island.