"The report of my death was an exaggeration."
Mark Twain
1897
But I am putting to rest some issues. I have been consumed with my weight for quite some time. I have been putting so much value on my weight loss efforts that I have lost my mind about what is really important. If I died today, I doubt very seriously that anyone, anywhere, would say "oh but she was so fat" I am ashamed that I have put way too much energy on this. Sure I know better. But I have not done better. I have used this issue as brick wall to stop me from doing all the things that make me happy. I have second guessed myself and I have assumed that others would judge me as harshly as I judged myself.
Today I am letting this go, burying this shit, if you will. I realized that my worth is in no way related to my size. That sexiness is about what's on my mind. That size is not an indicator of anything other than insecurity. I do not want my children to bear witness to this body-hatred. I do not want them learning to pick apart their bodies and only look for flaws. I want them to love themselves wholly and fully and authentically.
So today is my last post on my weight. I am done whining about this. I am done focusing on this. I am done. I am going to be my fabulous self. I am going to be mindful of what I eat, I am going to move my body and I am going to live my life. This body houses my spirit and my spirit has had enough.
I don't know if women are more body conscious than men. I don't know if men unfairly judge themselves against other men. I do know that I have been the harshest critic of me than anyone could ever be. I was not a fat child, I was not a fat teenager. But I was always bigger than my peers, taller and bigger. I was a perfect size 14 from high school to college. I modeled for money as plus size. I was a size 14 and in those days that was the largest you could be as a plus size model. And I remember thinking I was so big then. And clearly that was ridiculous. So this body-hatred was with me always. I am tired of this. And I have other things that need my attention.
Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!
1958
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37 comments:
Ahh...I love it, and good for you!
I as well have always been the "big girl". It used to bother me, but when I realized that I could and did do everything that I wanted to (varsity cheering and college track), it was a confidence booster. It was cool at that time that men were intimidated by my ability to out lift them in the weight room.
So...kudos to you for loving and embracing who God made you to be...absoulutely beautiful!
EXCELLENT. You have to love ALL of you so someone else can revel in the beauty that is Love Babz. Way to go.
Men beat themselves up to, but not like women. I'm glad that you are putting the whining behind you. Because whining definitely isn't attractive.
Hello Artist,
Thank you. This is another hurdle I am jumping...for GOOD!
Hey Fitzgerald,
Yes whining is SO not attractive and it doesn't suit me...LOL!
I AM THE ONE TAHT I WANT!
i am TOTALLY feeling you on this!
i recently came to this EXACT realization a few days ago: i'm not gonna focus on my weight.
i've always been a chubby, then thick woman. for YEARS i struggled to lose weight (and lost it...about 30lbs & counting) and for years, i've fallen back into bad eating habits & just felt horrible about it. i've never been TOTALLY obsessed with my wieght (cuz i look GOOD! lol), but it has worn a hole on my self-confidence. there were things i didn't do because of it, or jokes i'd poke at myself just so i'd try to beat others to the punch. but no more. i REFUSE to go into another born day OBSESSED about my weight. just as you said i'm going to just focus on being healthy & if some weight falls off because of THOSE efforts? so be it. i am going to enjoy my life...regardless!
btw: girl you had me all shook with this post. i just about thought you died or something. don't be doing that shit, yo! *smile*
Hey Sister TPW,
First off sorry shacking you UP! My Sister wasn't that thrilled either! And she was talking ot me as I was posting it!
I am done fretting over weight! I am DONE I SAY! It is all about health and wellness and peace of mind. That's it! So I am glad you feel me! Let's start a revolution! I am ditching my scale too!
WTF...Don't you ever frighten me like that again!
You freakin stopped my heart! If you do that ish again...I'll peersonally come kill you myself :0(
Now...Glad you're over your issues!
I can't wait to see you...But I'll be pissed!
You got some serious making up to do Lady!
Bout to wreck my nerves! :0/
OH Tony OH!
So sorry! really, it was quite shocking. Of course I will certainly make it up to you...lunch or dinner on me!
Whew! I can go back & read it again, now that my heart stopped racing! GIRRRLL, I thought your sister Lo had posted your obituary for your readers!
A great book u may want to check out is: Running Within. Even if u have no interest in running - the book has great inspiration. I've filled my copy with flattering photos of myself to help motivate me - which i always recommend.
And like everybody else said - don't be Skurrin' us like dis NO MO'!! The title should be something like: LoveBabz love handles in memoriam or SOMEthing to warn us!!
Oh, i love this Lovebabz, you look wonderful, and you can only accomplish what you solely wish for yourself, not what others desire. Feel good in your body and spirit Love...Feel good about being you, the wonderful enlightened you that you are.
My Dearest Capcity,
I know I already got read the riot act by Tony OH!
So sorry I din't mean to scare folks! And I will grab that book. If you dig then I can certainly give it a read!
Sister MizR,
Thank you for the compliment! Yes, I am letting go of this. Life is too short to be worrying about foolishness when I am enjoying good health as is!
I can't speak for the rest, but a juicy woman with some meat on her bones always made me feel the best. Like I said, I can't talk for the rest of the men, but my big 'ol fine woman has me coming back for more...
Again and Again! :)
I'm sorry Babz, but I was in a poetic, funny mood. I'm glad that you're not going to worry about that weight. Life is too short not to feel good about yourself. You go! Peace~
Stephen Bess,
THANK YOU! You have put a big kool-aid smile on this face! Thanks for repping Brothers who dig a fuller Sister!
No apologies needed...I rather like the funny poetic side!
Mz LB, you scared me to death! Whew! I was in training class on a break so I surf the Net and fing this post. I was like NO! Then I read on. Gurl, DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN! Geez. LOL.
Oh Shai!
I am sorry! As you can see I have alredy been read the riot act by Tony OH and CapCity!
However I must say it is quite sobering!
store looks great
I am glad you like the store. I am enjoying loving it into the black! It is hard work, but I love it!
Hi Babz,
Thanks for trying to touch bases with me again a few weeks ago. I haven't had time to involve myself in any forum discussions recently, but I was pleased that you remembered our interaction and took the time to get in touch. I ran into your blog by accident - via RawDawgBuffalo - and was happy to surf on over. This title took me for a loop, though. Whoa!
I haven't read your entry yet, but I know it will speak to me. Yes, sister, we're perfect and beautiful just as we are. Anything we do in addition is just icing on God's perfect cake...
All the best!
Trina
Hello Trina,
It is so nice to hear from you. I hope all is well! Do drop in or send me an email from time to time. The good thing about the www, is there is always a great discussion somewhere!
LoveBabz... I have run around the "weight" bush so many times that I should be tired. I also come dangerously close to obsessing about my weight... and it does steal away perfectly good life.
I am happy that you finally let it go. You gave me some serious inspiration to do the same.
PS: Dang. You look great in your pictures. I don't think "Gee, she's huge." Not even a little bit. Isn't it funny how we see ourselves differently than others do???
Hawa from
Fackin Truth Blog
Hey Sister Hawa Bond!
How are you! Yes, I am giving up this weight/body/ hatred!
I have a big life that I want to feel every minute of in this skin.
And thanks for the compliment! Perhaps you are right we don't see ourselves they way others do.
I couldn't stop looking at the photos. I want to photograph you. you are beautiful! I see a hint of raw sensuality not quite hidden beneath the surface. I know I could capture so much more of it with very little effort. But I would put in the effort anyway... just to show you how spectacular you are.
I hope this doesn't come off like a come-on. I respect you way too much for that. My words come from a place of deep sincerity.
Peace and Love,
Alizé (LoversA.blogspot.com)
Xavier,
Thank you kindly! You have lifted my spirits exponentially!
Perhaps one day I will site for you and let you work some magic!!!!
ok now babz!! now that my heart has stopped pounding a mile a minute, and i can see straight enough to type.. wtf?!?
well, i guess u owe me in a way (remember?)
with that out of the way... YES! major break through. love of self is the BEST kind of love there is, well, depending on what time of day and all (i'm being nasty, lol!!) especiall when you love yourself as the self you are at that moment, whenever that moment is. love that nose, those lips, that skin, them thighs, toes, beautiful eyes, and wonderful, luxurious dreads!
go on gurrl, you look damn fantabulous!! ALL OF YOU!!
smooches!
ptb
Hey Princess,
I know the caption was way too provacative!
Thank you for the kind sentiments! And I so so remember..and NO this isn't payback...but I do get it!
Yes, I am giving up this nonsense!
OK. Want to echo what everyone else said about the scare. My heart stopped when I first read this, yesterday. Not good.
On the other hand, this is a WONDERFUL post and I have found myself thinking about it a lot. Thank you for writing it and sharing it. You've really made me stop and think about my own goals and choices when it comes to my health and body image. Thank you so much.
YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO EVERY WOMAN!
Congratulations on starting the rest of your life :)
xx
Dearest Laurie,
Yes I can't begin to tell you about all the emails I got about this! I am sorry for alwarming folks!
But it did give me a chance to really think about my end of my life and I will talk about that in later post. As I come back to check the posts it is increasingly uncomfortable to see "In Memorium" and see my picture underneath!
But really I had to make a bold statement about body hatred and self image and weight!
right on
Hey Ms. Smack,
Thanks! I just needed to get off that rollercoaster. I mean everything decsions was made based on weight. I just got tired of it!
Hey Dejanae!
Right ON indeed!
Okay first of all you stole the blog title that i'm currently working on, but with it being memorial day weekend and all...I'm gonna say that it's probably in the air and second of all...I was just thinking about a documentary idea to expose how absurd the culture of weight loss has become so you have been my affirmation that i'm moving in the right direction.
thirdly, as someone who works in media and knows first hand how insane this media culture of skinny really is and what women do to achieve what they think their body should look is...I say to the weight issues..
Rest in Peace!
you are truly a beautiful woman..i mean truly!
Hello Aunt Jackie!
So sorry to have stolen your title...USE IT ANY WAY!
Yes youa re so right about weight loss in the entertainment industry. I worked in that industry for a hot minute and I could feel the rpessure all the time!
YOu aboslutely should do a documentary aout this issue. It is very consuming. Women get caught up in it liek being on crack!
And thank you for the compliment..I am feeling beautiful in my spirit!
Actually, there is already an excellent documentary on the subject called The Souls of Black Girls, that explores the media's influence on the distorted body image and warped ideals of beauty in young women of color. The film was made and is narrated by 26 year old, Haitian film producer, Daphne Valerius. The film feature extensive interviews with such influential people as Jada Pinkett Smith and Chuck D.
For more information visit http://www.soulsofblackgirls.com/
Peace and Love,
Alizé (LoversA.blogspot.com)
I have always been a heavy girl. It is sad to admit that my mother made things worse by weighing me daily and measuring my food as a very small child.
I always felt the way my mother handled my being over weight was not right and as I got older I had reintroduce myself to loving and appreciating myself. Not an easy journey by any means but I really realized I was worth it.
Many years later now, I have a daughter and I couldn't imagine not loving every inch of her with all my heart. She is so confident! :)
What a beautiful post. I'm cheering you on! :)
Xavier I am familiar with that documentary however I am looking at a different approach and premise
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