My children are amazing. They go along with the best attitudes. These last few months have stretched them to the roof and beyond and I know it. I am their mother and I love them, but some shit just can't be helped. Their father left us. According to him he didn't leave them he left me...he just didn't take them with him. OK whatever. As I said a few posts back he has personal development work to do...but I digress. My youngest Margeaux seems to be visibly having the toughest time. She longs for her father all the time. She misses him. I suspect they all miss him, she is just the most vocal and has not learned the fine art of hiding emotions...yet. So a few nights ago she screamed at me about not being nice to her father and arguing with him and it's my fault he doesn't want to live here anymore. I was wounded, I was stunned. I called my Sister Lo, who in her wise way said: "Of course they blame you your the parent that stayed and has to do the day to day, making them eat vegetables, enforce bedtimes, wash their clothes, take care of them. Yes, children are twisted like that" She advised me not to take that beat down from some little 5 year old. So the next night Margeaux starts in at bedtime---I stopped her cold and said: "Do you think I wanted your father to leave us?! He left us! I am here and I am taking care of you! So now we all have to deal with the changes--yes you can be sad and mad and miss him and love him and call him anytime you want. But what you are not going to do is beat me up about your father leaving us. I am not going to be yelled at or spoken to in a mean fashion. I am the mother I am in charge and you will be respectful." Well they all were a bit taken aback because lately I was giving them a lot of room to vent and to blow off steam and really let their emotions come to the surface...within reason. But at some point you have to decipher what is real and valid, otherwise kids will play you. Margeaux was sad and mad about her Father not living with us--but the outbreaks magically happen at bedtime...see my point. So as Mother/Warrior Queen/Boss of all children, I had to shut that mess down. I know there are some child psychs who will be pissed off that I didn't explore this further...Fuck that. That child was trying to manipulate me. Yes she has some issues, but we will work on them before bedtime.
Now the other part of this is much more forward thinking. I don't want my kids chasing anyone for their affection...not even their Father. I do not want to see them as adults recreating this part of their lives in adult relationships--trying to work out childhood wounds in adult relationships. So it is important for them to see me living through this transition in joy and happiness. They need to see that I got this. I can take care of them and that I am cordial to their Father and we are still on one accord as far as they are concerned. So this life in transition that is mine is also theirs and I must be ever mindful of my steps from here on out.