Tuesday, November 6, 2007

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: THANK YOU FOR LEAVING ME

I was so pissed at my estranged husband. I have been praying and praying to have the grace to let go of this mess. He left me. I am standing here not understanding what happened. So since I asked for the keys to the house and my ride, he has been busy. Busy separating me from the car insurance, the cell phone account and the joint bank accounts. He said I need to be independent and that he was happy that I asked for the keys because he was tired of being responsible for me. OK. I was so furious that I emailed him my feelings--not cussing him out, but really saying what I wanted to say for a long time--from the safety of my computer. I let him know how I felt about all this and our past history. Then I re-read what I wrote and the light from on high came on! Looking at our history laid out before my eyes startled me. WHY IN GOD"S NAME WOULD I WANT TO CONTINUE IN THIS MARRIAGE WITH ALL THIS PAST AND PRESENT DRAMA. Oh my God! I got it! Now there are 3 sides to a story, my side, his side and the truth. I gotta tell you I think I am closer to the truth than he and I have family and friends who support this. Truth be told I should have left him years ago when all the physical and verbal abuse started. But we went to counseling and moved the marriage forward. But as the years went on there were more incidents of abusive behaviour and still I hung in. Telling myself all marriages have problems. All marriages have their issues. Dr. Robin was right, "as long as we are willing to call things anything and everything except what it is, then we allow ourselves to stay in the mess."
My husband did me a favor by leaving me. He really did. And I am able to see it now because I can speak truth to power. All this turmoil and upheaval in my life is really about preparing me for the greater days ahead. I understand that today, in this moment. I was so tortured about being left that I was willing to believe his spin about me. I almost let his shit become my reality. I almost lost my confidence in who I am and what I can do. I am a Warrior Queen.
So we have called a truce and I am committed to co-parenting. And I am moving forward on my own terms, on my own steam and on my own strength.
So thank you husband for leaving me. You have set me free in ways you could never imagine and I say THANK YOU!

10 comments:

Afrospear said...

Hello Lovebabz,

It's Asabagna from Afrospear. I took some time to read some of your posts and I wanted to say that I enjoy your writings. You are a very strong and talented writer and your stories are deeply moving. I will return often and please continue to add your perspective to our discussions over at the Afrospear think tank page. It's valuable.

Asa

25A88 said...

Welcome home Babz. I have read your entire Blog and am inspired, to say the least. I will keep reading...daily...in hopes of having the same courage to one day Blog my own life!

Lovebabz said...

Thank you Asabagna,
I appreciate you taking time to check out my blog. I love posting my opinions over at Afrospear. I love the intelligent conversations.

Lovebabz said...

Hey 25a88
Jump in and blog. Your life is interesting and ought to be shared. I have not had any bad posts. Everyone has been supportive and encouraging. Jump in the blog water is fine.

Piecake said...

Congratulations on finding the truth.

Princess TinyButt said...

that's right my warriorqueen - TRUTH! it is power, and now it's yours my dearest. i've quietly followed your blog, and now feel compelled to post to it.

YOU ARE A WARRIOR QUEEN!

angela
http://princesstinybutt.blogspot.com

Lovebabz said...

Hey Picake and Princess Tinybutt,
Thank you for your posts. Somedays I am clear about my path and other days it hurts more than I can say. But I do know that moving forward is the right course of action.

Princess TinyButt said...

forward is the only way if you are to win dearest. yes, congrats!

be well :)
http://princesstinybutt.blogspot.com

Dr. Bad Ass said...

Lovebabz

I so appreciate your truth in this post, particularly that it is a GOOD THING that he left. My first husband left me -- it took me awhile to get my life back together, to make some sense out of a completely chaotic situation. But you know what? It made me a MUCH STRONGER WOMAN. It taught me to recognize that I am worthy of respect and I certainly wasn't getting it from him.
So you know you are on the right track when you're starting to take charge of your own life and to really feel in charge.

Love your writing here and wish you all the best --

tAnYeTTa said...

@25a88---blog your life. you will feel very refreshed! trust me! :)

p.s. LOVE BABZ---thank you for this part--Dr. Robin was right, "as long as we are willing to call things anything and everything except what it is, then we allow ourselves to stay in the mess."