Saturday, November 24, 2007
STANDING IN THE NEED OF PRAYER
I am tired. I am tired of everything and everybody. Yep I am feeling low. This is my favorite time of the year and I am usually good at beating back the demons. I am usually caught up in the throngs of holiday cheer, Peace On Earth God Will Toward People...damn it. Right now I am not feeling cheerful. I am feeling overwhelmed and alone and afraid. Afraid that I am not capable, not able, not very warrior-like. I am allowed I hope to vent and feel blue. I will of course kick the blues to the curb and get up swinging...tomorrow--I am good at that. But right now I am wounded, the battle is starting to pierce my resolve. I can feel myself laying down for the count. It is the aloneness of the world that has got me by the throat. It is feeling like I DON"T want to fight ANYMORE. The romantic optimist is feeling like a hater-pessimist. AAArggh! The aloneness can sometimes be crippling to the spirit. Today for me it's crippling, because right now I am doubting my ability to stand still and let GOD do the handiwork. I am tired and I am afraid and I am crying. Perhaps this is my only way to salvation and grace--being brought low before I can soar high. Pray for me and my desperate self. "It's me, It's me oh Lord standing in the need of Prayer"