Saturday, November 24, 2007


I am tired. I am tired of everything and everybody. Yep I am feeling low. This is my favorite time of the year and I am usually good at beating back the demons. I am usually caught up in the throngs of holiday cheer, Peace On Earth God Will Toward People...damn it. Right now I am not feeling cheerful. I am feeling overwhelmed and alone and afraid. Afraid that I am not capable, not able, not very warrior-like. I am allowed I hope to vent and feel blue. I will of course kick the blues to the curb and get up swinging...tomorrow--I am good at that. But right now I am wounded, the battle is starting to pierce my resolve. I can feel myself laying down for the count. It is the aloneness of the world that has got me by the throat. It is feeling like I DON"T want to fight ANYMORE. The romantic optimist is feeling like a hater-pessimist. AAArggh! The aloneness can sometimes be crippling to the spirit. Today for me it's crippling, because right now I am doubting my ability to stand still and let GOD do the handiwork. I am tired and I am afraid and I am crying. Perhaps this is my only way to salvation and grace--being brought low before I can soar high. Pray for me and my desperate self. "It's me, It's me oh Lord standing in the need of Prayer"


BottleBlonde said...

You are allowed to feel overwhelmed and alone. You're human. You're not going to be super woman 24/7. Let go and let God.

25A88 said...

The mere fact that u can verbalize your pain shows you are strong! Better days r headed ur way! Hold on you will make it!

laurie said...

You don't have to be strong every day. Some days it is OK to be sad and to be gentle with yourself. You have been through A LOT in these last few months. You deserve to cut yourself some slack.
Wishing you happier days, very, very soon. xo

Tall Gurl in Utah said...

Stay strong my fellow felon. I was at the federal camp in Dublin, CA. It's not always an easy path to follow but everything happens for a reason.
Take Care!

AAPP said...


Just stopping in and read that you are just a little blue. We all get that way sometime its' not only you. I see you have plenty of friends that have your back too. I just wanted to say, I'm really thankful for you.

Peace and blessings.