FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: BROWNSTONE AND THE LOVE LIST 31-36

The Love List 31-36

31. Has respect for money.

32. Exercises self control in personal finances.

33. Handles business as a Grown Man.

34. Handles financial obligations and responsibilities:
(child support, alimony, loans, bills)

35. Accepts that If I have it, He has it and vice-versa.

36. Makes charitable contributions to social causes with money and time.

SICK CHILD, NEW PROJECTS, A PARTY? AND THE LOVE LIST 27-30

One of the Beanie Beans is sick. Margeaux, the youngest. I knew she was starting to feel sick yesterday when she got up with a sore throat and headache. I plied her with children's ibuprofen and off to school she went. She seemed sluggish when I picked them up from school but she said she was OK. We get home, we start snacks and homework everything is fine. I make dinner (to be ready later--you'll see why in a minute). We pack up and off to music lessons. They are all studying the piano and doing exceptionally well. By the time we get home which is about 5:00 they have about 45 minutes to eat dinner before their Dad picks them up for soccer. Khalil and Margeaux were supposed to play indoor soccer--but not now, because I didn't send in the registration form...I thought if sent it with them on the first day of practice that would be fine. That is what I have done with Briana and Gregory for basketball. It is the same folks who run the league. They were turned away! So needless to say I had some little kids who were very crossed with Mommy Dearest. (sigh)

On a another note. I am throwing a party! A release party, a Babz can go OUT after 7 pm party!. I will be done with Home Confinement on March 31, 2008! I am grateful I got to be home for the remaining 5 months of my sentence! I am not even going to whine about it. I am however going to throw a party!

And last but not least, I am working on a project with some of the coolest folks on the planet! Folks I met in the Blog World! More details later.

Oh and my neighbor got their kid, Alex, a dog, named Simba...aaargh! He looks like a white bedroom slipper. That just added to the Bad Mommy List--another fucking reason my kids are mad with me. They want a dog! Ah NO!

That's my life and I am happy to be living it!

The Love List 27-30

27. Spiritually Generous. Not with with money, things, trinkets. But with kindness, consideration, honesty, open heartedness and affection.

28. Must Speak Lovingly To Me...ALL THE TIME!

29. Listens to me. Hears me.

30. Supports my problem solving skills. Appreciates that I can hold it down anytime, every time, even as shit gets thick or thin.

SUSPENDING DISBELIEF AND LOVE LIST 21-26

As I am learning about True Love, I am feeling that most people do not believe they will find true love. I am starting to get a sense that most people do not believe in their hearts that True Love exists. And what's even more telling is the fact that most folks are stuck on the physical aspects of love and the romantic aspects of love And yet they long for the deep cosmic attachment of companionship. Wanting a Soul Mate, but choosing everything but soul mate quality affairs. Being stuck on the illusory aspects of physical and romantic love is really not totally our fault, I mean Hollywood and fairy tales do a great job of brainwashing us. Some of us make the connection of the love expressed in the bible, but for the most part, don't feel worthy of that type of love. Love is not the illusory experience everyone is convinced won't happen for them. Love exists all all around us. Soul Mate love is just one aspect of the greatness and magnitude of love.

I say SUSPEND DISBELIEF. We are worthy of love. As I do the healing work so is my soul mate somewhere out there. As I step into the Grown Woman space, my soul mate is on his way. What we believe we deserve, we attract. The loneliness overwhelms us and we think that if we don't grab what's in front of us, we will be left out and left alone. I am also convinced that what's in front of us are always valuable lessons designed to bring us more fully into our selves. If that Player Player is wooing you and you know he is not good for you, what's the lesson? Perhaps you need to learn how to recognize a Player, Player. Or maybe you need to understand that your needs are greater than being underneath someone for the moment. Or maybe you need to learn that having someone value your well-being is more important than having someone show up sporadically. Whatever the lessons, whatever the messages, Suspending Disbelief is key. Once you truly believe that love exists and that you are already loved and that what is meant for you won't get by you, then how you see the world and your place in it changes. I swear it does. Taking the focus off what is lacking, gives you a better view of what is already providing love.

The Love List 21-26

21. Must be an energetic & enthusiastic lover.

22. Must be a considerate lover.

23. Co-creates an atmosphere of safety, trust and intimacy.

24. Is as concerned about my orgasms as he is with his climax(es).

25. Must be daring, playful, soft, aggressive, tender, open, honest and present.

26. Must Want, Value, & Accept a monogomous sexual relationship.

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: THE PULL & PRESS AND THE LOVE LIST 16-20

Yesterday was an "A" game day. I looked amazing. I had on my cool jeans, my sexy bomber jacket--which I never wear because I prefer looking like a soccer mama rather than a Hot Mama (read sarcasm)...no seriously I never feel sexy enough these days to wear it. Yesterday I did. I had on a hot pink sweater, you know the soft cashmere kind. My hair---long long dread locs blowing about my face, light make-up, lipstick...confident.

After picking up the Beanie Beans I pull into the gas station (now I drive a white mini-van) nothing is sexy about a mini-van unless you are just well...crazy. I jump out in all my sexy confident swagger. And a Brother who I had a tryst with 100 years ago is there too. Now I knew this Brother well before I was married. He immediately steps to me and PULLS me close and PRESSES against me and kisses me in the spot between my ear and my cheek. Now this all takes about 5 seconds. If he were not holding me close I would have fainted. Oh my God it was so delicious. He then proceeds to tell me how fabulous I look and asks about my kids, the last time he saw me, I only had 2 and now I have 4. He tells me about the house he is renovating, the clients he is representing and that I often cross his mind...can you hear Brian McKnight in the background. What! Oh my. Then he rattles off his number.

OK, I am never calling this Brother, what we had was magical for the time in which we had it. But I am not interested in him...why, because although he is fine and we click, he is a lady-killer...code for Player Player and I am not getting caught up in that. However he made my day.

I get back in my min-van and of course the Spanish inquisition starts: Mommy who was that? do you know him? how do you know him? I said in a firm voice...I wasn't always a mother. Gasps! more gasps! That shut the questions down.

And I went back to remembering the PULL and PRESS. UM Um Um!

The Love List 16-20

• 16. His friends and my friends are friendly. Must be willing to occasionally hang with my Homies/Sorors/Friends/Ride or Die Partners and vice-versa.
• 17. Must be connected to family. Blood relatives or close friends who are family. Must Love Mama, Big Mama, Lil' Mama, Auntie Mama or some facsimile thereof.
• 18. Appreciates individual time. His and mine.
• 19. Honorable. No matter where he is in the world, no matter who he is with, his word and bond to me will not be compromised.
• 20. Equitable with his scheduling. His activities and commitments must have the flexibility to include a love affair.

A NEW MENU AND THE LOVE LIST 11-15

I know too many women who are not happy in their love lives. I know too many women who are settling for crumbs of affection. Why do we set ourselves upon that path? What is it about love that we believe is so illusive that We will accept so very little from someone. Believing if we ask for more, that it means we want too much. And who are these men who are offering so little and why? I only know that I can't be that woman who accepts scraps. When you are a beggar at the table of love, You will always come away feeling hungrier than when you showed up and in that hunger you will accept any old cut of meat. My Sister-friend JB says we have to order different...better cuts of meat...and she's right.

The Love List 11-15

• 11. Good Grooming Habits. Likes to bathe regularly and maybe shower with me for fun and ...
• 12. Well Mannered. You know-- not acting like they were raised by wolves in a cave...sorry not trying to offend blogging wolves or cavemen.
• 13. Can Pick-UP After Himself. I am not, nor do I aspire to be the maid, unless you get me that sexy little french maid outfit with the stiletto's...but I digress.
• 14. Generous With Time. Able to see me often; willing to try cool stuff like new restaurants, theatre, avant garde events, TV programs, travel. He has to have REAL TIME for love and the cultivation and sustaining of that love.
• 15. Considerate. Has respect for my goals, challenges, children, dreams, time, hopes, disappointments and celebrations. My life and all that's in it has to matter to him.

IT'S ALWAYS JAZZ SUNDAY: BEING TRUTHFULL AND LOVE LIST 6-10

What do you do if you find out a person you were crushing on turns out not to be that person he represented himself to be? Do you call them out? Do you quietly disappear from their lives without explanation? Do you curse them out? What?

I suppose people have to live their lives according to their own ethical codes. And perhaps they feel justified in hiding behind another persona. Maybe their "real life" commitments are overwhelming and they need an escape. Maybe they are trying on a new lifestyle and want to do so from a very private place. Or maybe they are living in fear and can't see a life of authentic happiness and they choose to create this fake universe. Is it fair to drag anyone there with you? And does that also mean that your interactions with people are also false, since you made them under false pretenses?

I know everyone will not share their lives as I have done. I am suspending judgement. So I am leaving this alone with the understanding that I do not hold any power over anyone. All I can do is handle me. I choose transparency and authenticity and truth. I choose Love over Fear.

The Love List 6-10

• 6. Honesty. commitment to truth even if it hurts.
• 7. Integrity. must have a code of ethics to live by.
• 8. God Consciousness. must believe in a higher power. doesn't matter which higher power. Buddhist/Christian/Muslim/Voodoo Priest/Shaman/Witch Doctor/Monk/Rastafarian/etc.
• 9. Employed. Can work as anything as long as it does not cause either of us to go to jail. He will know that what he does for money does not determine his self-worth. What he does for money does not define him.
• 10. Conscious Thinker. Have some thought about the world. Reads and seeks information. Is concerned about life everywhere. Is a lover of freedom for all.

THE LOVE LIST...AND NaBloPoMo

On February 9, 2008 I posted about making a Love List as layed out in the February 08 issue of O Magazine . So since I am participating in the National Blog Posting Month NaBloPoMo and this Month's theme is Lists! Well you know I just believe this is divine intervention letting me know I am on the right track. Not to mention that I blogged everyday for the Month of February, posting Love & Passion Poems!

So why a Love List? Because I want to be clear about what it is I say I want. I think it would be a great exercise to really focus on what I feel is important in a soul mate the next time around...and there will be a next time around. Like Luther Vandross said "I was not meant to live alone"

For the next 31 days I am going to start a running Love List, that will capture 100 things I want in a soul mate/partner/significant other/lover. Of course I will post about my life and I may offer some insight about the list of the day.

Here goes:

The Love List 1-5

1. loyal. If I learned nothing else last year, I learned about loyalty. Who stands with you in times of trouble. Who can you count on. Being with someone in times of joy and celebration costs you nothing. That is easy. But to hold onto someone when their world is crashing around them...priceless.
2. Commitment to family. I want someone who is always thinking about what is best for "Our" family. And someone who loves children. Love me, love my kids.
3. Self confident. Not conceited, but knows who they are and likes who they are. I want someone who is not moved by popular opinion. Someone who goes their own way.
4. Kind. Someone who knows how to be kind. Someone who can let down their guard and extend themselves for my sake.
5. Sense of humor. If you can't laugh, joke and have fun, than I am not the Grown Woman for you.