This last break-up finds me quite happy. There is sadness around knowing someone is hurting and have some anger toward me. I am not hurting or angry at him this time. I am holding to the belief that each encounter, each relationship with anyone is meant to teach me the lessons needed for the journey ahead.
What have I learned from this? Oh so much, once I stopped forcing my circle self into a square existence. We don't attract what we want...we attract who we are. Cool. I can see that. I can see that I have WORK to keep doing. I like his reflection of myself...some of it. The stuff I didn't like, the stuff that showed up in our interactions are the things that need my attention. I finally understand that. His nagging and whining that drove me crazy are the challenges I gotta face in my own life. His petty, mean-spirited name-calling was his, not mine and though he liked to call me out on it....the reality is that's his work to do for himself.
I know who I am. I am beyond being manipulated. I am beyond being made-over to fit an ideal. I am always transitioning. I am always seeking to grow and to become more of what God has intended me to become.
The man suited for me... made for me... created for me, seeking me... will find me.
This last relationship brought me closer to what I say I want than ever before. That is a win! That is divine!
I feel that my heart's desire is just an introduction away. I am closer to real readiness and I have him to thank for that. Had he not shown up I would still be trying to define a loveship. He helped craft a definition that included needs and wants and fairy-tale. As I look back over the last 3-4 years of struggling, celebrating, starting and stopping with him. It is clear, I was carving out a definition of love in action for myself.
I get it. I am understanding how life works sometimes. It is all about lessons and learning and moving forward. And what you don't get you repeat. If I am not living the life of my dreams that's my deal. And my dreams are what I say they are. I am responsible for the keeping and pursuing of happiness. I am responsible for becoming the love I want. I am the love that I want!
The Course In Miracles says: Only what you are not giving can be lacking in any situation.