Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Circus & Sanctuary

Kicking the door down in my own life.  Taking my hustle to center stage.  That has to be the new rallying cry. I got to act like there is no tomorrow because there ain't.

I have wallowed. I have triumphed. I have wallowed again. Life is meant to be lived. You are supposed to win and lose and win and lose. Lose and win, lose and win...time and time again.

There's more to this life of mine.  I am sure there will be more loses along the way and more winning too! I've got a tool box full of ways and means to weather the roguh times, celebrate the good times and share with those on the way.

I am for the BIG LOVE! Days and nights of joy and bliss, circus and sanctuary.  I am happy being both loud and calm.  I am at peace with being silly and serious.  There is no fighting that paradox anymore.  There is only the invitation to whomever wants to come in.  There is nothing easy about loving me.  There is nothing hard either.  I am.

There is a real grounding peace that sweeps over me as I let go of things, people and thoughts that have tethered me to a potential life not well lived.  I intend to live well right now in this moment; always staying in this present moment.  It is easy to fall backwards, we speak our truth from the past, on what we have learned.  I am tired of remembering and trying to prevent what happened before.  Doing that, thinking that keeps me forever in the past.  My breath is in this moment.

Being conscious isn't about finding fault.  It is about knowing who you are in this moment...the next moment...moment by moment.  Being conscious is about noticing God in the ordinary comings and goings of the day.  Being conscious is liking who I am right now... not the me of 20 odd years ago, or the me next month after I have dropped 20lbs, or the me next week as I get ready to step out to a gala.

Circus and sanctuary. I am living here now.


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