I want to be happy all the time. I want to live a joyous bouncy life. Why shouldn't I? Who says I can't? And what is the purpose of ongoing sadness and suffering?
What am I willing to do for a joyous bouncy life? What am I willing to let go of to get what I say I want? Haven't I asked these questions before? And yet I am finding myself standing in the questions aisle again. Why am I not moving in the direction of my dreams? What am I waiting for? And I am waiting. Waiting to start. Waiting to start eating right, reading more, dancing more, loving more, etc. I am the Queen of waiting.
I find myself grateful for little pockets of happiness and joy. I act as though more happiness and joy would be greedy. I am too concerned with the chorus of doubting thoughts that sit in my mind. Life is too short for temporary happiness. I want full-time love, full-time joy, full-time happiness.
I am not talking about not paying attention to the realities of my life. I am clear about what I am up against on a daily basis. My situation is overwhelming if I allow it to manage me like that. I have long since given up that kind of desperation. I do live with some anxiety and a bit of fear of the unknown.
I am sure this has to be all about turning 49 in May. And 50 next year. There is a sense of running out of time. I have accomplished a lot of things. But the thing that I want most is to know and feel and give is unconditional love. I am close in that quest, after all I am a mom. Being a Mom has grown me into love in ways I had no idea existed. I was a wife and that gave me a glimpse of stability and vows that could be honored. There is something more..a love that transcends time and space. I have felt its magnetic power throughout my life, but could never quite embrace it. I do believe my love time is arriving. Like a train, either I catch it or wait for the next one and there's no telling when the next one will come. So I gotta be ready to jump on this one.
This is what I am setting my mind to: Full-time living. Life is too short for temporary happiness.
Happy Birthday #54 to ME!
10 months ago
Posts
5 comments:
*in my best rendition of the girl from Coming to America*
AMEN Sister Girl! AMEN!!!!
But seriously, to get to a place of that type of love takes baby steps. Each step takes courage and faith and you have both. So often we think we can just make up our minds and it will happen overnight but it takes time.
Allow yourself to realize it is a journey and take baby steps until you reach your destination.
*grabbing my pom-poms to cheer you on*
As Billy Joel wrote in a song long ago:
"For we are always what our situations hand us, it's either sadness or euphoria."
*ponder*
I've heard it said so many times that 'happiness is a choice.' In theory, I sorta agree w/ this. But being contented is somwhat easier.
Methinks a severe attitude adjustment is necessary to be 'HAPPY!!!' 24/7. You would have to be very, Very, VURRRR simple-minded w/ no adult responsibilities & living in a suspended state of arrested development. I just don't know if one would appreciate it (being happy) as much if it were an omnipresent entity in our lives.
Happy exists because its faternal twin Sadness exists. To know one, you have to experience the other.
But given a choice, one can always (say it wid me now):
Snatch JOY!
One.
not much more i can add to these comments, other than to say that joy, happiness, love, like GOD, is waiting on us to (as moanerplicity said) SNATCH IT!
GO BABZ GO!
ptb/angela
:)
Since you have been in-and-out (but mostly in) my on-line life, you already KNOW how I am when it comes to living the life that you want...
... for people who are less satisfied (because you have a good life) with their life, the question is, "are you willing to sacrifice?"
There isn't one 'thing'... it may not be a series of 'things' ... it could be both..! Or it could be nothing and somehow it finds you...
Decisiveness followed by inaction is meaningless... MEANINGLESS..! So if at the source springs confusion, unhappiness, lack, then the unfeeling and indiscriminate unconsciousness which does not know what you want from what you don't, 'hears' you... and it seeks what it hears...
... controlling your inner language means establishing control over yourself... when you establish control over yourself, you will assert control over your life..!
... I sit amazed at people who are as accomplished as you not apply the lessons of success they have already employed in their lives to bring into that life spiritual joy and abundance... ASTONISHING..!
I can't add much more not because I can't but because I won't add to the chorus that you already have in your own head... I KNOW you know... now go and DO... seize the life and love that awaits for you... NOW..! Claim what it yours and do not be shy about it..!
Dearest Kay C,
Indeed, I must move in smaller steps and not rush forward like a hurricane.
Lin,
Snatching joy is RIGHT ON!
PTB/Angela
God is indeed waiting on us....waiting on me.
Big Mark 243
I always appreciate the time you give to my waxing poetic on my life. I will indeed take your advices and seize the day!
Post a Comment