All I can do is is keep my bullshit to a minimum. All I can do is speak truth to power as I know it. If I want truth then I gotta walk in truth. I feel a rant coming on and I am doing my best to suppress it. I want to spin my annoyance into a life lesson learned.
So here it comes: a life lesson is how I am seeing this thing. His only purpose as I see it now was to bring me a lesson on being in love and partnership. He is not and was not my destiny as I had hoped, dreamed, wished. I saw what I wanted to see and I believed what I wanted to believe. I tolerated, and excused and looked past. This is truly what love ought to do, unless it is harmful stuff, life threatening stuff, soul breaking, disrespectful stuff. It was none of that. It was however, a mismatch. We are of a different time and place.
I paid attention to my heart and mind and got the lesson. He set me upon a path of relationship building that will serve me for the next loveship. He is not the one. How do I know this? I know this because my thoughts are peaceful when I am not thinking of him. Now that he is gone, I am happier and the future looks brighter. I feel free. I do not look forward to hearing from him. I do not love him to my soul. I love him as I do all humankind. That will not change.
What did I learn from him? I learned that I do not have to be an Alpha Woman all the time. I can conquer the world, but when I get home, I can relax, be softer, purr and nest. I can slip into a feminine stance and revel in my womanhood. I realized that there is so much good love in me that is waiting to be heaped upon someone. I mean there is so much love in me that no one loses out if I turn my attention toward my kids, a man, my work, my church, my friends, charitable causes and community. They are all loved and loved fully. I do not have to choose. I can love all with great abandon.
I have learned that I want to be a woman in love. I want to be softer and homespun. I want to be a yin to a yang.
When God gives you a lesson, rest assured there is a test to follow. I am waiting for my test. I am ready for my test. I am embracing my romantic self. My feminine she. I own my masculinity, it has served me well. It has given me a fearlessness that has carried me through difficult times. I can hold it down strong. Now I want a partner. A real partner. Someone who lifts me up. Holds me dear. Someone who believes that I am for him.
So I am taking this break-up to another level. One that is more positive and in line with my spiritual walk. There is not point in bitterness or anger. A broken heart can mend, and the love we shared was real. His part in my story has come to an end. And I am grateful for the time spent. I truly have grown richer and bolder in my desires.
I am sorry he is angry with me for taking this direction, and for not trying harder. And perhaps there is something to that, if I weren't clear and didn't own my mind. I am moving on with a happy and grateful heart. I have gotten a lesson in love that is priceless. I wish him a well lit path for the journey ahead.