Saturday, April 30, 2011


I have all that I need at this point in my life.  But, I want more!  Now here's where it gets tricky....the wanting more.  What is wanting more?  and what do I mean when I say I want more?

Do I want more love? Money? Free Time? Prosperity? Great Friends? What is the wanting more?  I believe I waxed poetic about this a long time ago, and now I am revisiting it.  I hear myself saying  all the time I just want more.  And honestly I can't really explain what the more is. 

Maybe it's not that I want more, but perhaps there is a balance and sense of peace that I am after.  Maybe it's wanting what I already have and moving my mind to embrace that thinking.  What is wanting more?  and what do I want more of ?  Am I really mindless in my declarations of wanting more?  Am I saying that by having more is a sign of success?  Does having more give me the security I so desperately want?

I am easily seduced by the worldly messages of Get More, Have More, Want More, More More More!.  The more I want the less I think I have.  This train of thought keeps me rooted in lack.  As long as I see myself with less and the desire for more grows, I remain trapped in a cycle of dis-ease, chaos, worry, over indulgence, greed and selfishness.  I am not being overly critical, just standing in my truth.  And in standing in truth you got to turn over and put down all the lies that keep you mired in madness, unhappiness, depression and mess.  I find myself measuring my happiness by the things I have and acquired.  That is a false sense of peace and pride.  I know it...or at least I am learning it.

Overcoming the seduction of wanting more will require me to pay closer attention to my heart and mind.  To be more conscious of what I say and how I speak it in prayers and everyday conversations.  If there is more to be had, then I have to redefine that from a grounded spiritual, loving and God focused place.  If there is more for me, then it has to be used for the greater good of serving and not just receiving for the sake of having more.

I am thinking and feeling my way forward.  My birthday is coming and the kind of woman I want to be is right there on the horizon.  I am walking toward her.


Me said...

for me, reslizing that i hwve options os almost overwhelming. what to de3 next?? when theres suddenly no one telling you how stupid thgat idea is, or that its the worswt possibloe time for you to do it, or that its too expensive; wow, your turn!!!!

Big Mark 243 said...

Even after her meltdown the name of the Sinead O'Connor album, "I Don't Want What I Haven't Already Got" always felt like an apt description for how I went about living my life. I have my objectives and I have set about going after them. As long as I believe I am moving in the direction of reaching them, why should I worry?

I try to controll only what I can control. Everything is there for me to achieve. The only variable is me. Am I going to do what I need to do and recognize what it is that I do want so that when it is available, I identify it and grab it?

Take care and be well... spring is going to fly by and Summer will be here! YOU find someone to hold hands with on long walks underneath the stars and to have lazy summer pinics with..!