Tuesday, April 26, 2011

MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING....

I just feel like I want to keep talking.  I want to say everything that's on my mind and in my heart.  Maybe I am feeling the need to talk so much because it's Spring and my birthday is coming and I want to get all the mess out of the way so I can just enjoy my day.

Maybe, I am stuck.  Maybe I am like Dorothy at the crossroads...which way Toto, which way?  And believe me I have a cast of characters in my life to push and pull me down the yellow brick road.  Some days I like being pushed.  Sometimes I even liked being pulled.  These days I don't like being pushed or pulled and maybe that's why I am so uughhh.

Maybe I am wandering.  Maybe I am longing for something I can't quite put my finger on.  Maybe I am just too much in my own head and not enough in doing.  Or maybe I am doing too much and not enough in my head.  Either way, I am out of balance...out of focus.  Maybe it's because it's Spring and my birthday is coming.  I love my birthday.  However I have no real plans yet.  There is a strong desire to just disappear and be anywhere but here.  Maybe I could steal a few hours to myself.  Maybe I could just get on the train and ride until... well I stop somewhere.

Maybe maybe maybe.

I love the flowers blooming.  I can see the peonies on my front lawn pushing up.  The hydrangea is budding and of course the roses are starting to get leaves.  Is it possible to want too much and not really know what the too much is?

6 comments:

Monique said...

So talk honey! Let it all out! we want to hear it

KayC, The Quiet Storm said...

I always get that way around my birthday and the changing of the calendar.

Take a moment, take a death breath and take it one 'thing' at a time. Be still, listen to your desires, your thoughts, which way you want to go and where you want to be. Then when you have a clearer picture began to map out your course to get there.

You will find your way.

(((HUGS)))

Mizrepresent said...

Gurl, do you! Let it all out...it feels better that way. Like i always have said, sometimes we need to clean out the junk drawer! Big hugz and happy cleaning!

CareyCarey said...

Hello,

These days I don't visit many blogs, and when I do, I don't leave comments as often as I did. Yet, sometimes, when the words hit me, I feel compelled to share a bit of wisdom that I've learned through my struggles, and your header told me I was not alone...

"An Extraordinary Life Examined. Notes and views on being an EX-Wife, Mother, Felon and Citizen of the world. This is my personal journey of how I am moving forward with grace and tenderness"

See, I too am an ex-felon, and "ex-lover" a father and a citizen of this very complicted world. I don't know if I am moving forward with grace and tenderness, but I AM moving forward.

Now that I've qualified my position, here's where I am at today.

Today I have a motto “What About A Time Called Now”. It’s here and now, in the moments of creating and expressing my thoughts, where I feel the most at ease and confident. In many ways, it’s always felt just right, and it’s always brought me a rush of emotions, most of them the best I’ve ever known.

Understanding (the best I can) your transitions in life, I think it's only natural that a deep thinker is always in their mind. I believe your journey required you to question everything and practically everybody... their mission, purpose and motives. I know you came to a conclusion that only you had your best interests at heart. Granted, we cannot live without the help of other (we don't live on an island) but the ball is always in your court.

Those that do not take the time to reflect and do a bit of deep soul-searching (with brutal gut bucket fearless honest) will always get what they've always got. In many cases, that's depression,doubt and fear.

Keep doing what you're doing, until someone "SHOWS" you a better way.

Big Mark 243 said...

I don't know but there seems to be a lot of what you are coming down with going around... could be with the thaw being steady and the pretty days peeking through offering glimpses of what we have been yearning for winter long that is the cause.

Well, whatever it is that has you in anticipation, I hope it comes to you in all its glory!

Lovebabz said...

Monique,
LOL! You know I can blog blog blog...blah blah blah :)

KayC, The Quiet Storm,
I do beleive my mood of the moment is directly tied to my birthday. I am not sad, but I am something :)

MIz,
You are absolutely right! Cleaning out the junk drawer! LOL! I like that and it feels like that!

CareyCarey,
Wise words indeed. Kindred souls? I have been extraordinarily blessed with friends, angels and strangers sharing their gifts with me and pointing me in the right direction. Stop by again. Thank you for the sage advice.

Big Mark,
Yes, I think the thaw and the pretty flowers does make me feel a certain kind of way. I do belelive this winter was harsher than I realized.
Thank you kindly for your well wishes ;)