I want some quiet time. I want everyone to shut up around me. Not forever, just for a little while. I need to not talk about every emotion I am having. Perhaps this is why I blog and love it. I can purge, I can rant and I can say whatever and let it go. I don't have to keep telling the same story of how I am feeling over and over again. Sometimes you just gotta sit with your own shit and be still.
If someone loves you they let you be. Now I don't mean abandon you, or allow you to fall deep into an abyss without at least trying to rescue you. I am talking about, when I need my space, give it to me without a whole lot of arm twisting. There are ways to be with someone without being intrusive or annoying. Perhaps I am being selfish. Or clearly not relationship ready and when I say relationship I mean any and all, not just the romantic ones...although those tend to get on my nerves the most.
I think I am crossing over to whining. I have been known to whine on occasion. I have whined on this blog more times than I care to go back and check.
There is so much to think about. I mean I have real life decisions to make and deal with. I am a mom and I love it, but I gotta suck up some of my bullshit and be totally present for my kids. I am a friend to a few folks who I adore and that brings me great joy. I am trying to row my small boat on the big open sea and even though I have real sailing skills (because I lived a big life so I have experience) I still find myself braving the elements alone. My faith in God is BIG BIG BIG, so I am not alone in that regard. I think I am saying someone please get me....just don't do a whole lot of talking. Or if you need me to talk back, coax me gently and lovingly. I can't be bullied...it shuts me down TOTALLY.
My oars are in the water and baby I am rowing. I am a rower. I refuse to sink, so swimming is my only option. Being quiet brings me that kind of clarity and confidence. Metaphors seemingly explain my thinking....I hope. Anyway, time to look for a song to lift my mood and inspire me on.