Monday, April 25, 2011

IN THE MOMENT....

I am choosing not to be afraid.  I mean I could be afraid.  My back is up against the wall and I have decisions to make and yet I am not afraid.  I have seen enough and done enough in my life to know worrying doesn't do anything to help. Worrying only makes you sick.

So I am choosing not to be afraid.  I am also choosing not to sit in judgement of other people's choices even if I think they are stupid.  I can only control how I feel about things going on in my life.  Spending time pondering other folk's choices is not my idea of a good time.  Besides I have enough on my plate.  It doesn't mean I don't care, quite the contrary, everyone has their own path. I care deeply about people.  But I have learned that you can't change anyone....except yourself.

What I can do is move out of the way of bullshit.  Or leave bullshit alone.  Looking at someones life in totality is how you decide if you want them to be in your life.  If the choices they made rub you the wrong way, then walk away and leave them to their own designs.  That's not judging, that's self preservation.  I need to take better care.  There is too much noise in my life and I can't stand it.

This is my purging.  I am releasing bullshit. I have to listen to my own inner call.  I know me.  I know what works for me.  Sure there is room for improvement...a great deal of room for improvement.  But this is my life.  I make the choices for my own direction.  And sometimes the decision is clearly to let go and keep walking away.  Wasting time trying to fix something that is beyond broken is insane.  But this isn't about that.

I am thinking.  I am reading.  I am praying.  I am being honest with myself.  I am moving on.

I am divinely in the moment.  I am very present.  I am not wincing or running or trying to hurry past my uncomfortable thoughts.  I am feeling what I am feeling and I am OK.  I am trusting my insights.

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