Thursday, May 27, 2010

THE COMMITMENT CONVERSATION

Commit: To give in trust or charge; consign.
To pledge (oneself) to a position on an issue or question; express (one's intention, feeling, etc.)

We are having the Commitment Talk tomorrow.  We are going to sit and talk openly and honestly about a future together or go our separate ways.  We are going to bare ourselves and pledge love one way or the other. We are going to seriously explore moving toward marriage. It will be a very serious discussion about who we are and what we want, require, need and want from each other.

It is time to exhale.  It is time to decide to go or stay. We already know love exists.  We already know that when we kiss and lay together the world stops and races to meet our passion.  What we are committing to is the going the distance.  To staying rooted even when the wolves come howling.  Forsaking all others for the sake of each other and this family we are strengthening.

He asks: "Do you Trust me?" "Respect Me?" and "Why do you want me for your Man?" He states: "I don't have the same education as you". "I don't make anywhere near the kind of money you do."  "I live simply" "Are you serious"

I am standing at a pivotal point in my life.  Love has come round.  Love that I have asked for, hoped for, tried to get rid of.  Whatever fears I have used as an excuse, obstacle and wedge to keep me from being in love are put away. I am stepping into this love.  I am surrending my mess. 

I am ready for the conversation to commit.

6 comments:

Big Mark 243 said...

It is weird... now that I am in a situation where my earning ability has been and will continue to be limited for an indefinite amount of time, how important that is for most men.

Including me.

But not because of how it affects my image of me as a man, but of how I may be seen by others... by YOU as my woman. My ambitions have changed and I have left becoming rich up to the $5-$10 dollars a week to the numbers I play in the lottery.

What I want to do is live a simple, noble life. I don't have all the things that you have and I don't mean material things. I am not sure that I have the same kind of thinking, the same kind of ambitions, that someone who has done all that you have with your life and who has dined and socialized with scholars and champions of industry, needs as their partner.

You have struggled and it has made you... my struggles have ended up being the things that I have made. I don't want to hold you back and become a 'drag coefficient' and an embarrassment to you. A word unspoken or a silent understood as you talk with your friends, asking you 'Girl, you need to come (or go) with us and do...' and you know your man can't afford or is uncomfortable in 'that crowd'...

Baby, there are some things that I need to get done to walk with you to hold my head up... there are some things that I will NEVER have that you may have wanted in your life and in your man...

... but I want you to know that I will love you and only you until the light goes out of my eyes. And I will work as hard as I have to for the sake of us. (hey, it struck a nerve and I couldn't help but write to it!! Good vibes to the both of you and best wishes!!)

Moanerplicity said...

oTAY.... hereitgo: Methinks committing is a wonder-filled thing, and yes, even a necessary conversation to be had. I just don't know if committing to someone and they to you necessarily means 'marriage.' Uness that what both parties desire in their heart of hearts... ithat just seems like a giant leap from pledging one's love, fidelity and truth.

Love isn't always a friend of marriage but Love is most definitely a close cousin to committment.

The fact that your mate has made a statement that doesn't speak to committment, but to personal security (or insecurities), while honest and forthright, this may be a stumbling block IF it's considered one for HIM!

We know that love is so much Bigger than what someone brings w/ them into a relationship.. well, besides their heart.. and their honesty. Love is so much bigger than the tedious details of 'how will we make this work?' That's not a criticism. It's a fact.

But it's also very adult of you both to speak about things beyond the fact that you love each other, and bring the convo to the bare facts of life.

Good luck and go with Grace!


SJ!

One.

Lin

Rich Fitzgerald said...

This is a big one. Not because of the conversation you want to have, but because of the thoughts and emotions that have taken root.

Just from reading your post and following your blog I can ascertain that you are "putting your life back together" and that includes being a wife again. That isn't so much a problem for a man who loves you, but as this man see's you putting your life back together, it only makes sense that he questions where he fits in that scenario outside of being your lover and friend. He may see himself married, but not to the aspiring type of woman he knows you to be. Can you, Babz, love this man, yet allow him to remain in his comfort zone of being at home with you and the children and his not having to "fake" interest in social circles for your benefit. Can you deny that part of yourself that has come to be B.R.I? I ask because often we as individuals think that it's not much to ask the other person to "do it for me" to "take one for the team." Sometimes it is more than that. Asking him to do that could be the equivalent of asking him to deny who he is. Much like asking you to deny that woman who "wants it all".

I'll say it again. This is a big one. Because at the end of the day both of you want to be comfortable in the skin you are in.

I recently saw a clip from the Oprah show when she hosted Will and Jada Smith and something profound came from that interview. Oprah asked why they were able to make it together so well and the response was something akin to they have a business plan for their marriage. That plan defines the "why" they are together beyond the "oh you look good and I love the way you make me feel." It determines the inner workings of why they are together. I think every relationship needs that. And possibly, that is what your man is really asking you.

韋于倫成 said...

凡是遇到困擾的問題,不要把它當作可怕的,討厭的,無奈的遭遇,而要把它當作歷練、訓練和幫助。 ..................................................

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

Dearest Blog Sis,

I must agree with the men on this one. Since I found you in blogland we have walked this similar path in life. I understand the feeling of love and needing it and watching it walk into your life but I agree with Rich.

We have both experienced marriage and what it takes to be in that type of commitment. Does this man fit into your world? Do you fit into his? Most importantly do you both fit into the world you are shaping? Life constantly changes and evolves.

I am wishing you the best. You deserve happiness and a love like no other.

(((HUGS)))

Lovebabz said...

I have never been so moved by such depth of commenting since I started this blog. I am deeply deeply moved. I loved that Men stepped in and offered heartfelt-straight-no-chaser comments.

My response to these comments have to be their own blog posts.