Thursday, May 6, 2010


I have been up since 4:00 am this morning. Worrying. Worrying. Worrying.  I thought I had given up worrying.  I mean I am on this path to becoming more of who I am supposed to be right?  Well here's the deal... I gotta do a lot of things differently and I gotta do them consistently.  I gotta give up some old behaviours that have never served me to begin with! 

I gotta make some deliberate fast and uncompromising decisions on my financial health. I have got to do more with a lot less.  I have got to give up this sense of entitlement to things.  I am not saving myself by making excuses about how mindless I am being with my money.  In my mind I still feel some entitlement to having nice things, to eating out, to buying stuff on a whim. I DON'T GOT IT LIKE THAT! And yet its like a drug.  I want to FEEL LIKE I am in a position to treat myself, my kids, my friends and the real reality is I cannot.  I am fooling myself.  I am deluding myself.  I am not being honest about my money and how its being spent.  I am broke.  I am however not broken.  My financial health needs my immediate attention.  I thought I was giving it that, but in reality I was just putting a band-aid on a heart attack.  I am bankrupt...seriously.

I have to summon all my inner strength to deal with this.  I am masterful at juggling all the bills being paid, but that's not living abundantly...that is surviving.  I want to live within my means.  I want to live with a sense of peace.  I cannot go back to being up in the middle of the night worrying because my bank account is overdrawn and I got $50 in my wallet and I still have other financial commitments. Damn.

Moving in an ENTIRELY NEW DIRECTION (E.N.D.) CALLS ME TO CHANGE! My financial health has to be a priority. I 've got some truth telling to do and then some actions steps to take.  Believe me I have a ton of financial/wealth building/Sister Get Your Money Right books.  Now is the time to sit and read and and really step into the discipline needed to change my financial present and future.

I am going to create the life of my dreams. The E.N.D. is now!


Big Mark 243 said...

That is for many people, ESPECIALLY black people, the final frontier. I honestly think that in taking control of your long term finacial situation you will establish an aura of expectation that will alter the energy you radiate to the world.

Once we (cause this is definitely advice that I am trying to take myself!) get into the habit of doing our day to day with less and building towards a future, I think it will change our perspective of the world in which we live, making life more bearable and less stressful.

Shopping and spending money IS not unlike a drug. It makes us feel good when we by 'things'. But it is a temporary rush because it affects our obligations and primary missions, leaving us feeling worse than we were before we went out spending money 'we don't have'!

Our spiritual and emotional health are inextricably linked to our financial health. The control over one area can be applied to the other and it will be like a domino effect. Especially for someone as beautiful and talented as you are!

Good entry!!

Monique said...

Take from someone who gets laughed at constantly for being so frugal: the first step in changing is admitting the problem. Now that you know it's a problem, change it.You can do this. You haven't came this far in your journey to not continue being a testimony for others. No, you have much further to go and this is another chapter to add to the story.

Moanerplicity said...

The good thing about this is now you are being a REALIST. Far too many of us, for various reasons, tend to live beyond our means. Maybe it's keeping up w/ the Joneses. Perhaps it sparks some transitory happiness to have things, to not deny ourselves or our loved ones. Maybe it stems from not having nice things, and coveting them when we where younger, and now 'grown folks' it's our turn to splurge on our selves!

Whatever the reason, there comes a time when we must realize that happiness isn't about robbing Peter to pay Paul. True happiness and contentment ain't about life in the Po House, or enduring the drama of debt collectors who have our #'s on speed dial.

Yes, Sista, the sacrifice is mad ruff. It will call for undoing some of the things you are accustomed to doing, but as this is your E.N.D Time, you must and you WILL work it out! I believe it's really about Mind over (material) matter!

So journey on, Sista... a bit mo wiser, and yes, a bit mo frugal!


Anonymous said...


Lovebabz said...

Big Mark 243
YES! YES! YES! A domino effect. Once you make changes in one area it spills over to other areas! and thank you for the kind compliment!

It has taken so much to even admit that I was having problems. I thought as long as I was managing then I was ok. But it was and is exhausting to live in a place of lack and then try to fill that emptiness with stuff!

Lin (Moanerplicity)
I simply want to live a different way. I don't want things to have that kind of power over me anymore. So I goot purge and give up and let go of some time worn habits. I am so ready!


casey/ a r t a n d c o l o u r said...

oh girl we could talk. i live on NOTHING, but then I am responsible only for me and at almost 53 years old i just don't care about having 'things' anymore. I go days without spending a dime. I can't. I don't have a dime most days.

Bette gave me your blog addy. I'm still alive, being ME more than I've ever been, though i see absolutely no one except the clerks at Stop & Shop, and i have to RIDE MY BIKE to get there as i can no longer afford a car, or even a driver's license.

hang in there baby. I've had money, and I've had no money, and now i have less than no money. I'm freaked out all the time, but i'm also creating more art than i ever have. we only have today, we only have the minute that's existing right now. I get by every day, but i never know about tomorrow.

loves and hugs, Babz!
Casey-Bette's and Tom's old friend, Remember me?

check out my blog too. it's . . . whatever is on my ill old mind.

Solomon said...

I know all about being in the po' house too!