I am responsible for my happiness and unhappiness. I can mope around with fear, sadness and self loathing, or I can count my blessings, chase the day and smile. I no longer want to go on and on about how I was wronged, abandoned and divorced by my then husband. The story is OVER! I am writing a new story of connecting and co-parenting with him. He is getting married next month. He is excited and happy. I am truly excited and happy for him. I have released that story of the wronged wife. I am crafting a new chapter filled with love, laughter and real joy!
I am a convicted felon. I committed a white-collar crime in 2003. I was sentenced in 2007. I served time for it in a federal prison camp, spent 5 months home confinement with an ankle bracelet and 3 years of supervised release which will be completed in a few short months. I am done telling this story as if it happened yesterday. I am done holding the shame of this past mistake. I am moving on. I am writing a new chapter in this book of my life. I have served my time. I have paid a very high price and nearly lost everything of value to me. I am done telling this story as if that's all there is to who I am.
I am tired of thinking about this weight. I am tired of measuring my happiness based on the number staring back at me from the scale. Fuck that scale. I am done with putting off happiness until I get to a size whatever. I am done saying "when I loss the weight I will". I will do what I want to do right now in this weight with this body. I am closing this chapter of body shame and writing a new one on body love as is!
I am moving in an ENTIRELY NEW DIRECTION. I have spent enough time wallowing in my pain, pity and shame long enough. I have put my time in. I am ready to do things differently. To charge forward with a renewed sense of possibilities. I am cutting my ties to wallowing in those stories. I will get married again. The ex can't have that kind of power over me. I refuse to be tied to a story about how that marriage ended and to allow it to be the blueprint for the rest of my life. NO. I am going to build a brand and business that suites me, being a felon will not stop me from making a living. NO. This weight is not all that makes me, ME. NO.
I am Amazing. Wonderful. Talented. Brilliant. Beautiful. Smart. Charming. Lovable. Lovely. Funny. Caring. Considerate. Happy. Peaceful. Silly. Sexy. Intelligent. Witty. Sassy. Gracious. Kind. Generous. This is my new story as I move in an entirely new direction, one that I want to write.