Tuesday, May 18, 2010

ENTIRELY NEW DIRECTION: I CAN WRITE THE STORY I WANT!

I am responsible for my happiness and unhappiness.  I can mope around with fear, sadness and self loathing, or I can count my blessings, chase the day and smile.  I no longer want to go on and on about how I was wronged, abandoned and divorced by my then husband.  The story is OVER!  I am writing a new story of connecting and co-parenting with him.  He is getting married next month.  He is excited and happy.  I am truly excited and happy for him.  I have released that story of the wronged wife. I am crafting a new chapter filled with love, laughter and real joy!

I am a convicted felon. I committed a white-collar crime in 2003. I was sentenced in 2007.  I served time for it in a federal prison camp, spent 5 months home confinement with an ankle bracelet and 3 years of supervised release which will be completed in a few short months. I am done telling this story as if it happened yesterday.  I am done holding the shame of this past mistake. I am moving on.  I am writing a new chapter in this book of my life. I have served my time.  I have paid a very high price and nearly lost everything of value to me.  I am done telling this story as if that's all there is to who I am.

I am tired of thinking about this weight.  I am tired of measuring my happiness based on the number staring back at me from the scale. Fuck that scale. I am done with putting off happiness until I get to a size whatever. I am done saying "when I loss the weight I will".  I will do what I want to do right now in this weight with this body. I am closing this chapter of body shame and writing a new one on body love as is!

I am moving in an ENTIRELY NEW DIRECTION. I have spent enough time wallowing in my pain, pity and shame long enough.  I have put my time in.  I am ready to do things differently.  To charge forward with a renewed sense of possibilities.  I am cutting my ties to wallowing in those stories.  I will get married again.  The ex can't have that kind of power over me.  I refuse to be tied to a story about how that marriage ended and to allow it to be the blueprint for the rest of my life. NO.  I am going to build a brand and business that suites me, being a felon will not stop me from making a living. NO.  This weight is not all that makes me, ME. NO. 

I am Amazing. Wonderful. Talented. Brilliant. Beautiful. Smart. Charming. Lovable. Lovely. Funny. Caring. Considerate. Happy. Peaceful. Silly. Sexy. Intelligent. Witty. Sassy. Gracious. Kind. Generous.  This is my new story as I move in an entirely new direction, one that I want to write.

9 comments:

MzTeeJaye said...

You probably don't remember this but some time ago you told me that we 'clicked' because we are on the same path. I believed it then, but I definitely believe it now because your writing never ceases to touch something in me. Thanks for being so honest and inspirational!

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

Giving you a standing ovation. You can do it!!!

Cheering from the sidelines :)

(((HUGS)))

Moanerplicity said...

Wow! What a refreshing, HONEST, and positive outlook!

You ARE, indeed, the one and only person responsible for your OWN Happiness... as well as your unhappiness. It's not your past, not your children, not your mistakes and certainly NOT a lover! It's all on YOU and methinks you possess the skillz, the disipline... and most of all the SPIRIT to make of this life what you will!


I truly DO believe in you, my Sista!

So, go 'head and snatch the HELL outta JOY!

One.

Lin

Solomon said...

What a great post!

Way to keep it positive and running on all cylinders. It is amazing what we can do when we put our minds to it.

I think I'll follow your lead and stay on the positive path also!

Her Side said...

LoveBabz... I love how you embrace the true meaning of "breaking free." Folks... from neighbors to product marketers... would prefer if we "stay in our low places" by defining our lives through terms of dissatisfaction - against the blueprints of all that we recognize as personal failures.

F*ck that. Break out. I have considered a blog post about 'the marketing of dissatisfaction.' I think you just inspired me to follow that thought and help set somebody else free!

{{hugs}}

佳瑩 said...

人不能像動物一樣活著,而應該追求知識和美德 ..................................................

名青 said...

一個人的價值,應該看他貢獻了什麼,而不是他取得了什麼 ..................................................

Sista GP said...

WAY TO GO, BABZ! YOU GO, SIS!

And thanks for the "item" in the mail. Sorry, I don't check my box more often.

Luv said...

you made me cry.. you are telling my story..not really but sorta..i have been hiding and dragging my shame..i have been lying in self-pity... i see what i need to do now... thank you

i am late but this was right on time