Last night was my first tango lesson...Argentine style. I was thrilled. Nervous. Excited. Ready. It was hard physically and intellectually. Physically, I don't have good balance--I am in poor physical shape. Intellectually it was was hard because as a woman you have to surrender the impulse to lead...take over.
Tango requires trust. Absolute trust. Willingness to be led. Even if your partner isn't strong you have to follow. Hhmm this was HARD. My first impulse is to correct. Takeover. Lead.
As we were switching partners throughout the class, I noticed very clearly that when I had a strong partner I was a better partner. I was more able to allow my partner to lead and I take the cues and follow. But when my partner was weak, I was weak and it was hard to stay focused and get our bearings. I could feel frustration setting in.
Tango is already teaching me something more than the art of walking. It is teaching me the art of surrendering. Trusting. And doing it all with grace and passion.
I am convinced that the Divine is using the Tango to teach me more about who I am and what I want.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: MORE OF LESS
DON'T GO BACK FOR MORE WHERE THERE IS ONLY LESS...
I came across this quote at the end of the book by Rachel Sarah Single Mom Seeking. Her Sister-friend offered her that sage advice. It resonated with me in a big way!
It is difficult to articulate how my life is recycling through a pattern of past relationships. I recognize the same issues in people that I have in my life now. For me it means that I get to choose differently this time. Very much a do-over just with a different cast of characters. But the elements are the same. The personalities are the same. There are a few characters who are who they were back then. They have shown up now. It is amazing to see.
Looking over the landscape of my life. I realize I don't like any of the cast of characters that are present. Been there...done that...and so over it! I am so over Men who are emotionally crippled, not fully developed, whining, and always surrounded in drama and more drama. I am tired of men who are sort of intellectually interesting and highly self actualized but have so many other character flaws that you can't overlook or get past. I would have tried in a previous life. But I've grown and I recognize I am not in the behaviour changing business, nor am I in the convincing business, nor am I in the this-is-all-I-get-so-I-settle business.
I can see where I can make different choices. I can cross the street. I can leave crazy on the curb. I can leave drama in the theatre. I can leave ambiguous and uncertainty in the park. I don't have to deal with any of that madness at all. I am more of myself and I can feel it. I can stand in my own life and be much more discerning about who I share my time and heart with.
I want more. To get more I can't go back to the things that only offer me less. I know that script...played it! This thought carries over into every aspect of my life...DON'T GO BACK FOR MORE WHERE THERE IS ONLY LESS!
WHO ARE YOU? AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?
TODAY
12:30PM EST
LIFE COACH ANGELA BISHOP ROSS
MONEYSHIPS:
OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR MONEY
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Friday, June 5, 2009
FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: KEEP ASKING
Who are you? and what do you want? I am still with this. These two simple questions haunt me. They are following me around like lap dogs, love sick puppies, whinny babies. To answer requires layers and layers of truth telling. It is simple and hard. It is joyous and scary. To answer them means some things have to be let go of. Some things have to be released. Some things have to be pushed away. This is why we are all stuck. and those that are not stuck have answered the questions and the universe has opened and said HERE...ENJOY...LIVE...LOVE.
We are not answering the questions because we are still negotiating with ourselves about our truths. We want truth but not at the expense of giving up anything. We want to keep all the mess that keeps us unhappy and away from what we say we want. We believe we can wait out situations, lovers, jobs. We are in the convincing game even though we say we are not. If we just go along and things are seemingly good then the questions are tucked away or buried or band-aided. And yet the longing for deeper connections and love nags like a dull tooth ache. We know we are not joyous and we are fine with just making do. We even mock being joyous on a regular basis. We ask who is happy all the time? I say why aren't we happy all the time! And why do we have to accept being unhappy at all.
Too much of joy is tied to the external. Too much of what we want is dependent upon something or someone yielding to our desires. If they say no, or the situation does not provide us with what we want, we are sad. We are dependent on the external to give us full and complete joy. We don't want to be alone....at work, at play, in love, in life. But here's the punch line: YOU ARE ALONE in your skin. And the gift is that you have to be joyous from the inside standing on your own and understanding that the divinity is within.
Until we are ready to answer, the divinity will keep asking:
WHO ARE YOU? AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?
We are not answering the questions because we are still negotiating with ourselves about our truths. We want truth but not at the expense of giving up anything. We want to keep all the mess that keeps us unhappy and away from what we say we want. We believe we can wait out situations, lovers, jobs. We are in the convincing game even though we say we are not. If we just go along and things are seemingly good then the questions are tucked away or buried or band-aided. And yet the longing for deeper connections and love nags like a dull tooth ache. We know we are not joyous and we are fine with just making do. We even mock being joyous on a regular basis. We ask who is happy all the time? I say why aren't we happy all the time! And why do we have to accept being unhappy at all.
Too much of joy is tied to the external. Too much of what we want is dependent upon something or someone yielding to our desires. If they say no, or the situation does not provide us with what we want, we are sad. We are dependent on the external to give us full and complete joy. We don't want to be alone....at work, at play, in love, in life. But here's the punch line: YOU ARE ALONE in your skin. And the gift is that you have to be joyous from the inside standing on your own and understanding that the divinity is within.
Until we are ready to answer, the divinity will keep asking:
WHO ARE YOU? AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Thursday, June 4, 2009
HAPPY BEING ME...ANGIE STONE
Looking back on when I started
Had a lot of sun and a lot of rain
I had some joy and been broken hearted
But now that doesn't mean a thing
I'm living for the joy and laughter
Longing for my befores and afters
All in all it's been cool
And there's nothing I wouldn't do
I'm so happy being me
Ohhh
So happy being me
I'm regretting nothing about me
Too busy living life, giving love, Freely
So happy being me
All those hidden treasures
Feeling nothing but pleasure
We could never replace, His love (We can't no we can't no)
The sunlight leads us to a place and the moonlight keeps us in His grace ohhhhhhhh yeah Ohhhhhhh whoooo whoooo oooooooooooo
I'm so happy happy being me
So happy being me
I'm regretting nothing about me
Too busy living life, giving love, Freely
So happy being me
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
NO MORE BAND AIDS...PAIN EMANCIPATION
There are so many people roaming the earth in a great deal of pain and heartache. I am amazed at the amount of pain, drama and heartache people live with everyday. And even more amazing are the lengths people will go to medicate the pain. Eating, drinking, sex, constant drama and my personal favorite, accepting what's in front of you as love when your heart longs for a grander deeper connection. Trying to make unfulfilling relationships into something that they cannot be. Always in need of a band aid but not seeking the cure.
I am not standing in judgement. I know all too well how to band aid pain. How to ignore pain. How to keep on moving forward with a broken heart. We have become so accustomed to pain that we just accept it as a part of how things are. We defend the pain, we nurture the pain, we make room for the pain.
Owning who you are is the beginning of pain emancipation! Doing the necessary work of discernment and authentic self analysis is critical. Who are you? And what do you want? You only get there when you are tired of being on your knees in negotiation with GOD. You only get there when you are tired of begging the night for relief. You only get there when you DECIDE to stop lying and living in mess. You only get there when you are ready to own your life. You only get there when you begin to believe that YOU are magnificent.
Everyone loves to say "there are no do-overs" That you get one chance at life. But I say there are do-overs...EVERYDAY THAT YOU GET is a DO-OVER! What was true and real yesterday does not have to be true and real today. Believe that whatever yesterday brought you, does not have to be owned today. I am not suggesting ignoring realities. I am suggesting that you change your mind about how they affect you. What is your reality and is it bringing you joy this moment? If not?...then why are you accepting it? So this is my internal conversation, my period of discernment. This is my band aid emancipation. I am giving up pain.
WHO ARE YOU? AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I am not standing in judgement. I know all too well how to band aid pain. How to ignore pain. How to keep on moving forward with a broken heart. We have become so accustomed to pain that we just accept it as a part of how things are. We defend the pain, we nurture the pain, we make room for the pain.
Owning who you are is the beginning of pain emancipation! Doing the necessary work of discernment and authentic self analysis is critical. Who are you? And what do you want? You only get there when you are tired of being on your knees in negotiation with GOD. You only get there when you are tired of begging the night for relief. You only get there when you DECIDE to stop lying and living in mess. You only get there when you are ready to own your life. You only get there when you begin to believe that YOU are magnificent.
Everyone loves to say "there are no do-overs" That you get one chance at life. But I say there are do-overs...EVERYDAY THAT YOU GET is a DO-OVER! What was true and real yesterday does not have to be true and real today. Believe that whatever yesterday brought you, does not have to be owned today. I am not suggesting ignoring realities. I am suggesting that you change your mind about how they affect you. What is your reality and is it bringing you joy this moment? If not?...then why are you accepting it? So this is my internal conversation, my period of discernment. This is my band aid emancipation. I am giving up pain.
WHO ARE YOU? AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: SO FAR
As I said, I can feel the shifting in my life. I am coming into a new phase. I have come far. Further than even I could have imagined three years ago! Looking back I am in awe. Coming through at each turn was harrowing. I wish I could say I was strong through it all. I was not. There were moments when my thoughts were so dark, the pain so great, that I was blinded by it all. But God held onto me. Held me and lighted my path, dispatched angels to whisper words of love and comfort. Ensured my breath for the next day and the day after and the day after and the days after that.
My past, my right now and my future are laid before me. I can see where I've been. I can see where I am and I am excited about where I am going. The blessing is standing in my life and fully embracing my truth(s). Shutting out the noise of the discontented and those that would share their unsolicited opinions of who I am.
My inner strength is the foundation for standing in this life and embracing all of me. I am the one that I want and need and love. I am committed to radiating joy, peace, laughter and love. Say what you will. I now who I am.
I am feeling very good today. I felt very good yesterday. There is a light heartedness to my spirit. At the moment not too much rattles me. This is the meaning of real peace.
So far I am better than OK. Even as I write this post I am smiling...laughing. My life is feeling good and I am good in it. I am not too worried about tomorrow. I am standing in my today.
My past, my right now and my future are laid before me. I can see where I've been. I can see where I am and I am excited about where I am going. The blessing is standing in my life and fully embracing my truth(s). Shutting out the noise of the discontented and those that would share their unsolicited opinions of who I am.
My inner strength is the foundation for standing in this life and embracing all of me. I am the one that I want and need and love. I am committed to radiating joy, peace, laughter and love. Say what you will. I now who I am.
I am feeling very good today. I felt very good yesterday. There is a light heartedness to my spirit. At the moment not too much rattles me. This is the meaning of real peace.
So far I am better than OK. Even as I write this post I am smiling...laughing. My life is feeling good and I am good in it. I am not too worried about tomorrow. I am standing in my today.
TODAY 12:30 PM EST
WOMEN'S FICTION & URBAN ROMANCE AUTHOR
718-766-4895
Monday, June 1, 2009
UNDERSTANDING LACK
This is definitely a new phase I am entering in my life. I am open for all the good things to come in and take residence. However I am also aware of a new found attitude...stance if you will, of not tolerating a lot of madness and mayhem. At this stage in my life I have learned a few things. Things that propel me forward in my thinking and my living.
Of late of I've learned to stop thinking about my life from a place of lack...money...relationships. Those things that I think I lack are not true. I have them. I have all that I need to sustain. I want more and that is fine. Wanting does not negate the contentment of what I have and the what is. Wanting is not negative at all...unless you want to do things that are not in alignment with positivity and personal development...but I digress.
Allowing my mind to focus on what I don't have ignores all the good that I do have. I am learning to be mindful of that kind of thinking in all areas of my life. For example if there is something scheduled for a certain time...a few of us show up on time...but the host says....I am going to proceed when everyone shows up. The host is operating from a place of lack. Totally not being grateful for the folks who showed up on time. Putting more concern on the one's who are late...giving them more value. There are many instances in my life where I am focused on the lack.
Focusing on lack is directly related to how you make decisions about your life. You stay in mess too long. You convince yourself that if I don't keep this thing or the other, that I won't get anymore...there's no more to be had. When we are still and honest with our feelings and thoughts we will realize that operating from a place of lack is RIDICULOUS! But yet we work ourselves into a frenzy of desperation. Convincing ourselves that what we have is fine and that if we work harder it will become all that we want.
I am gaining a great deal of clarity around the notion of lack. I am looking at all the areas of my life and seeing where lack is showing up. Where lack was directly responsible for the decision made. And you know what? I can make new decisions!
Of late of I've learned to stop thinking about my life from a place of lack...money...relationships. Those things that I think I lack are not true. I have them. I have all that I need to sustain. I want more and that is fine. Wanting does not negate the contentment of what I have and the what is. Wanting is not negative at all...unless you want to do things that are not in alignment with positivity and personal development...but I digress.
Allowing my mind to focus on what I don't have ignores all the good that I do have. I am learning to be mindful of that kind of thinking in all areas of my life. For example if there is something scheduled for a certain time...a few of us show up on time...but the host says....I am going to proceed when everyone shows up. The host is operating from a place of lack. Totally not being grateful for the folks who showed up on time. Putting more concern on the one's who are late...giving them more value. There are many instances in my life where I am focused on the lack.
Focusing on lack is directly related to how you make decisions about your life. You stay in mess too long. You convince yourself that if I don't keep this thing or the other, that I won't get anymore...there's no more to be had. When we are still and honest with our feelings and thoughts we will realize that operating from a place of lack is RIDICULOUS! But yet we work ourselves into a frenzy of desperation. Convincing ourselves that what we have is fine and that if we work harder it will become all that we want.
I am gaining a great deal of clarity around the notion of lack. I am looking at all the areas of my life and seeing where lack is showing up. Where lack was directly responsible for the decision made. And you know what? I can make new decisions!
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