In my part of the world well before dawn it is so quiet I can hear my heartbeat. I can hear my own breathing. That circadian rhythm is a real thing. In these sacred hours the answers to whatever I am lamenting becomes quite clear. The truth of things, situations, and problems show up that did not exist in my waking hours. Truth shows up with stark clarity that I can neither ignore or bypass.
Truth is the rock on which I build my life these days. I have long since given up the messiness of lies and double meanings and coyness and unavailability. I trust until I no longer can. The wee hours is nothing but a space for truth... Be it problem solving or making love. There is no room or opportunity for pretense. This is the hour of God. I fully welcome and embrace its sacredness.
For as long as I can remember I have awaken at 3:00 am. Then back to sleep at 5:00 am if I didn't have some commitment shortly after (throughout my life of studying, baby, children, briefs, campaigns, syllabus, marriage, doomed relationships, bootcamp). It is a habit I don't want to break. It grounds me. It strengthens me. It is time that nothing interrupts. I don't even look for comparable time in my waking hours. In the course of my day it is a sprint from pillar to post... Nonstop readiness of being here, there and everywhere.
Sometimes I get up and saunter downstairs to my desktop and write until daybreak. Sometimes I sit with a cup of fresh coffee, and on my birthday I have a glass of champagne... Decadent yes. I am my best illuminated self in those hours. I do not try to replicate them at any other time. Yes, I am authentic in my waking hours. I am soulful and mindful and joyous. But my experiences in the early part of the day are profoundly holy in ways that aren't noticeable at any other time. I have learned this by looking for it and not finding it as sweet or as enveloping.
My holy hours are where God and I meet-up. Sometimes I pray and God listens. Sometimes I am silent and God speaks.