Monday, November 14, 2016

NaBloPoMo Day 14: Safe Spaces to Cry

I have come to value all the safe places I have to cry in. All the places and people who open wide and let me fall into them with my tears. I have not always had that luxury. And I have never known this level of safety. It is a beautiful thing.  One that I am deeply grateful for.

In order to fall into safe spaces to cry you have to be willing to cry. You have to be willing to abandon ego, posturing, judgment and shame. I have learned in my life that I cannot hold grief, disappointment, heartache and despair in this body. Tears does a body good. I can attest to that.

Today I had a moment when I looked away from what I was doing to gaze jealously at someone else's gain. My pettiness got the better of me... All I could see was their success and my failures. As soon as I opened the door, the devil rushed in. Self doubt took over and within minutes I had reduced myself to failure, loser, stupid, and lackluster. I went in on myself like an assassin. Breaking my own spirit. Wallowing in my own self pity. I was willingly walking into despair.

My partnership with God is such that, he reminds me to call for a lifeline. Call one of the many folks I put upon your path he says. You are not alone. Call who I have sent to be of service to you. Call them. Call them and tell them you need them in these dark moments. I called.

It is always amazing to me the grace I am afforded. The friends that stand in the gaps for me. Dry my tears and feed me with their love and kindness. I could not have come this far without God's design of eclectic soul mates in my life.

The spaces I can cry in are sacred and holy and wide open for me. And believe me, I thank God all the time for that kindness.

To the safe places I am invited to dwell, I am grateful. To the divine soul mates who answer my calls when I am in despair and or celebration, I thank you so much. You make me better.

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