Wednesday, October 7, 2015

The Unworthiness Devil Rears It's Ugly Head

I am in a pivotal moment in my life. There is so much going on. Some old haunts and new blessings. I have more tools in my tool box to handle my life than at any point in my life. New people have entered. Some old folks have departed. This is the ebb and flow of my life. Epiphanies abound. God is still speaking and the view from here is vast and lovely.

What do I want? Is that the question? Should I reexamine what I want? There is a steadiness I crave that I want along side the adventure. Does that make sense? Here's another question... Am I being realistic? And am I asking for too much? Why the fuck am I even questioning asking for too much? Ahhh, the invasive unworthiness devil rears its ugly head. And when I say asking for too much, this spans across my life and all the dreams of who I want to be moving forward.

Perhaps I should be glad to have the wherewithal to reexamine the questions I answered long ago. Things have changed. I am different than say even last year. Reexamining the questions of who am I and what do I want  has become my touch stone and ongoing dialogue of asking and seeking answers; my check in point. I am coming to understand that this is where I get to defeat the whispers of unworthiness. This is where I stay in emotional shape. By simply asking  what do I want? And by asking, I am allowing the truth to emerge. I am all about the truth in whatever that may be or turns into or shows up as.

I have fully embraced the need for clarity, especially in matters of my heart. I am not guessing or supposing anything. I am clear. In that clarity, unworthiness can show up and undue the desires if I am not paying attention to my own heart and mind. Stillness and the need for deliberated practiced stillness restores me back to standing in my truth. I am worthy of every damn thing I want. I am worthy of every long held wish, dream, desire, and fantasy.  For me, the key is holding onto this knowledge and allowing it to be nurtured in my soul. Yes. I am worthy  with every breath I take.


2 comments:

Carole Bass said...

I am also searching for clarity about "what do I want?," and finding it incredibly challenging. Not "what do other people want for me?"; not "what do I think I'm supposed to want?"; but what do I really, truly want? That raises a deeper question: who am I? These are quests of a lifetime. May we find what we need, Babz.

♥ CG ♥ said...

Lately it seems that a great number of us are being prodded to do, think and act upon that which we are called to do. The one thing I know is that there's greatness in us, when the time and action moves us, we'll be successful ;-)