I show up open and honest and that's not how it goes.... That not how any of this goes.
Date after date, I get the same Dear Babz, I like you BUT.... I am baffled. I am perplexed. I am 52! I am not 22, or 32 or 42! I can't play coy. I can't play stupid. I can't keep smiling and nodding and being dim. What the fuck! I have a life. I am doing shit. I have projects. Why is that a problem?
Last night a Brother told me: I think you are amazing... Pretty... No outright beautiful... You are smart... Witty and sexy as hell. But I can't be in your shadow. I'm being straight up honest. We could be friends though. Now mind you we've gone out, we've had long deep conversations. We flirted, we kissed (not the best kiss, but enough to work on it).
I said OK and hung up. And then I cried and cried. Now I know he did me a favor. I know he is full of shit. I know he doesn't deserve me. I know all the intellectual stuff. But still... It's like being the last kid picked for kickball.... and honestly I wasn't that kid ever.
So here's my list of why any guy shouldn't date me in no particular order of importance:
1. I like to kiss a lot
2. I have a big laugh that's deep and throaty and husky
3. I wake up happy and more than likely will want to have sex
4. I can cook... like a BOSS, Oh and I can pair wine with a meal with ease.
5. My musical tastes is off the chain... From old skool R&B to independent Hip-Hop
6. Jazz is my first LOVE
7. I am learning to speak FRENCH... have you ever had french words whispered in your ear while you are thrusting deeply?
8. I like to be alone... Without you.
9. I have solid friends who like to kick it with me and will read your ass if you try to interrupt our flow
10. I have kids who require my full attention
11. I will often speak in movie dialogue... The Godfather, Good Fellas, Friday, Friday after Next, Oh the list is long and varied
12. I am not always going to be GLAMMED UP... meaning I am more apt to be in a big t-shirt and granny panties than thongs, and garters
13. I love football...Get me a beer and be quiet.
14. When I'm working, I'm working
15. I like to shop alone.
16. Have your own hobbies... I'm not your entertainment
17. I read a lot. If you don't then know you are about to be kicked to the curb
18. I'm not checking your cellphone, your email, or social media accounts
19. I don't do baby-mama drama, ex-wife drama, drama of any sort.
20. When we are out don't take it personal if I don't introduce you... It is purely about me not remembering other people... Introduce yourself and be OK if I leave you alone.
Here's my new thing.... I am giving up dating. I am taking down all my dating profiles, I am telling all my dear friends to stop looking on my behalf. I am DONE!
It's not worth it to me anymore. I am tired. I am disilussioned and weary. So, I'm out the game! That's it. That's it. I live a full life already. My attention is required on other matters. This can't be a focus anymore.
Every and All Blaxploitation films