Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Happy Un-Anniversary 2007

I thought this was worth re-posting. I have indeed moved on and I am not looking back. I am in a good place. Tomorrow is October 1, 2014. I find October to be a time of magic for me. Tomorrow I usher in a renewed sense of energy. I am in a good place, but I am also complacent. I gotta push myself beyond my comfort zone. I gotta amp up my drive. All the signs are there.  My heart is yearning for something more.  I am tired of wishing for things to be different. It's time to sprint!

So as I take this Fall as my jump off time... my resolution time... I am standing in a kind of grace I thought would be a longer time coming if ever.  I've conquered much, cleared a path and now I gotta haul ass to the life I've been dreaming about.

Happy Un-Anniversary!

Babz is on the come-up ya'll! 

Monday, October 1, 2012

Contrition, you Move Forward. It's Over.

There is no going back.  There is no need to remember what now dwells in the past.  I live and thrive in the here and now. Trying to drag myself back to a time of great drama, uncertainty and pain is outrageous.  What is the point of that?

Five years ago I went off to prison.  So what. It is not an anniversary that needs celebrating.  I don't have the same need to remember high school graduation, college graduation, graduate school graduation, the adoption dates of my children.  I don't remember my divorce date.  But I am quick to drag myself back to October 2007.  As if I am not punished enough.  I am acting as if I am not sorry enough.  I am acting as though I could be more sorry if I tried.  I am acting like I must bring it to everyone's attention lest they forget...lest I forget and they have to remind me.  But nobody's reminding me.  I am doing that.

I am letting this go.  Today is true liberation day.  It is behind me. 

"I don't think being truly human has any place for guilt...Contrition, yes, but guilt no.  Contrition means you tell God you are sorry and you're not going to do it again and you start off afresh.  All the damage you've done to yourself [is] put right.  Guilt means you go on and on belaboring and having emotions and beating your breast and being ego-fixated.  Guilt is a trap.  People love guilt because they feel if they suffer enough guilt, they'll make up for what they've done, whereas, in fact, they're just sitting in a puddle and splashing.  Contrition, you move forward.  It's over.  You are willing to forego the pleasure of guilt." ...Sister Wendy Beckett as told to Bill Moyer, taken from the book The Surrendered Wife, by Laura Doyle.

1 comment:

Big Mark 243 said...

... it is worth reposting... and worthy of feeling proud of... glad to have you back with us...