Monday, September 8, 2014

How Do I Love? Part 2

I was talking to my sister Lo the other day about how I am moving forward dating and I said to her, I want someone to be good to me. I want someone who wants to see me happy and joyful. I want someone to bring peace and goodwill to me. I want someone to be good to me without question or fear or conflict or condemnation or judgment. I am all that I ask for.

I've never known anyone to bring that kind of love to me. I always thought I lacked something that would allow for that kind of love. It never occurred to me I was just choosing poorly.

I was choosing poorly.

I clearly see what I need and want and pray for. I want kind words, I want an attentive spirit. I want witty banter. I want stability and unconditional love. I want affection. I want affection that isn't used against me or as a whipping stick. I want someone who is fearless and bold and loves my boldness. I want someone who has a life he loves. I want someone who has room for me and all my quirky shit.

I want laughter all the time. I love like this. I have always loved like this. I just didn't trust my own heart and mind.

I just chose poorly. I cast my pearls before swine willingly because I didn't trust that what I needed and wanted would show up... or even existed. I had no faith in true love.

I settled for bullshit over and over and over and over again and again and again.

Not this time. Nope, not this time. I either live a passionate life or I don't, I either have someone who is my everything or I don't, I either bask in the glow of my own brilliant light or I don't.  There is no halfway, middle ground, almost, settle-for-this bullshit.

I know how to love. I embrace that and live in my truth. I know how to love and I know how to let someone love me.  They gotta come authentic, sincerely and only want my best at heart.

I know how to love. I've always have... I let the world convince me otherwise.

Here is my invitation and declaration to the one who would happily come for me: I know how to love.

I know how to love.


3 comments:

♥ CG ♥ said...

Yet again you've spoken on my recent thoughts, Babz. I asked a friend about seeming to be part of a "Groundhog Day" experiment that plays out the same way and always results in disappointment. I've been studying the law of attraction and ran across a reminder that we should only focus on the feelings we want to feel and not replay past hurts, etc. It always sounds easy, but it seems like I need to do a little personal role play to attract the love I desire.

You've conquered the major step many never do and that is to love oneself and allow those vibrations to reach their hearts :-)

KayC, The Quiet Storm said...

Dearest Sister Babz,
Once again I could've written this myself at this moment in time. I'm still struggling with the get back out there part but I'm grabbing a glass of wine in your honor. Rooting for you. Can't wait for you to find the love you desire.

Big Mark 243 said...

...well said..! It is thinking that somehow we are not deserving of our innermost desires that we often cheat ourselves ... It is ironic how much confidence that "non-qualifiers" feel entitled to you, bounty that you are, and you yourself won't allow yourself the opportunity for that you deserve...

...just make sure that you are not merely speaking the words and that you are saying them with the intention necessary to make them so..!