Talking to My Heart. Listening to My Heart.

“Don't give in to your fears. If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist 

I am still in my "The Alchemist" mood. I love when I am connected to a book. Connected in a way that I can feel my life shifting.  It is really amazing the clarity I've gained. It is the kind of insight that was buried deep within.  I second guessed myself, I stopped listening to my heart.

Why did I do that?  Listening to my heart has served me well my entire life.  My heart and intuition were God's connection to me and I stopped listening.  When the pain of things became so loud, I did all that I could to drown out the truth. I fucked up.  Now to recover and regroup and put my world back right.

Now that the fog is clearing I love the view.  I have always loved the view of my freedom.  The freedom to dream as big and as wide as I wanted to! How did I let that go?  I thought I was trading my freedom for love and happiness, but really it was stress, nagging, unhappiness and inequity. I knew this in my deepest part of my heart and soul, but I insisted on pressing on in madness. I did not trust my innerself.  I did not trust the truth. The energy that I invited in came with its own set of hopes, dreams and wishes.  They didn't however compliment mine. I came away feeling used, undermined and manipulated.  That is truth. It is my truth.  My experience.  My heart spilling out and telling me this is what it was.

Oh the fears are great. I had no idea they were so deeply entrenched.  I thought I was beyond that kind of fear.  I thought the shiny thing was real gold. And when I realized it wasn't gold, I tried my best to settle for the "fools gold".

I have thrown out the worst of the criticisms hurled at me. I am no longer paying for that kind of bullshit. And I will never again shut down my heart and intuition at the mere suggestion of someone who has not lived the very message they are using as a weapons against me and others. 

My heart has served me well.  My intuition has served me well.  I will never doubt what I know and feel ever again. There is nothing more sacred than my freedom.  The love that comes my way will welcome that, embrace it and encourage it.

I am talking to my heart.  I am listening to myself. Unafraid.