Friday, February 7, 2014

I Am The Captain And I am Heading Back Out To Sea

The Potential Mr. Babz has left the building...Again.  I am relieved.  I am happy.  Of course sad too and broken-hearted.  I mean there was great deal of time invested.  But at last, we just couldn't make it work.  No matter what I did it was never enough.  It just felt like a long audition for a marriage that was never going to happen.  I just got tired of auditioning.

So I spent a few days giving up on love... truer love.  I starting priming myself for a life of solitude and celibacy. Down with love!

And then I realized, that's not what I want to do! I am all for love and I can remain open to it! Just because this loveship sank, doesn't mean I can't get back into the open seas. I own myself. I can feel whatever I want and change my mind to change my life.

I am a woman made for love. Built for love. Loves being in love. I don't have to hold to anyone's expectations or criticisms or nay-saying. I know exactly how I want to live and love. And just because that ship has sailed, only means there is more room in the port for a new ship to sail in.

I am not going to walk around sad and mad. It didn't work out for a great many reasons. It's over.

I am acutely aware of my mortality. I am not going to get another 50 years to work this life out.  I gotta make the best of everything right now.  I gotta live boldly and grandly right now. So whatever the lessons from this last sinking loveship I gladly take with me as I move back into open waters. I am excited about my life and I am excited about the woman I am becoming and I am exciting about who I am right now.

I am the captain of this ship and I am not looking for someone to man the helm, I am open to inviting someone who wants to sail with me... some days as the captain and some days as the first mate. I am heading back out to sea stronger with an adventurous spirit and a happy heart.

I've come a long way and learned so much.  This is a testament to all the books and webinars and motivational sayings I've gathered and filled my spirit with.  I am in charge of my being. I can feel and move through anything. Nothing breaks me anymore.  God has my back.


3 comments:

Shelly said...

Many blessing too you, Babz. I know you will make the most of every minute of your grand life! xoxo

angela said...

whooooohoooo!!!! am so proud of you sister. you ARE living boldly. it takes courage to live the life you are living. and God wants a partner who's worthy of your courage, your spirit. all you've done, sister, is to make room.

love you.

Vérité Parlant is Nordette Adams said...

I'm happy that you bounce back so well. You said that you're a woman made for love. I admire your firmness about who you are.