I Gotta Do Better With My Wants

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist 

I have been blessed for all of my life.  At each leg of my journey I have been supported carried,  cheered, prayed for, loved. I wanted so many things and have gotten everything I've ever wanted one way or another.

What I have come to realize at 50 is that so many times I have squandered my want... thoughtless about wanting what I wanted.  Wanting what I wanted without thought or care to what would be in my best interest. I found myself with people who weren't good for me and yet the universe helped me be with people who were not in harmony with my inner spirit.  Yet, I stubbornly tried to make the case for staying in mess.  I wanted validation for my choices.  I never got that, instead I got signs, warning and tons of shame.

God often gives us what we want so that we will learn to be more thoughtful when shit hits the fan.  Some of us learn quickly and for others like myself, I gotta stay in the torment until the light bulb goes on and I have my Aha moment.  The universe heard me.  I realize I have to be clearer and truthful about my wants.

Settling comes in when you don't believe that what you want exists, or if it does exist, you can't have it.  It's like I am preparing for failure rather than success.

“One cannot be prepared for something while secretly believing it will not happen.”

― Nelson Mandela

 

All this self reflection and discernment pushes me to look deeply.  Why do I have almost what I want, but not everything?  And why am I OK with almost?  Yes. Mr. Mandela you are right.  I see that from a new set of eyes.

 

And this is the saving grace: 

 

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.”
― Paulo Coelho, Alchemist 

 

Indeed.