It is hard being the person that causes someone pain. It is disheartening to always be at fault rather than in love. I am the reason we do not work. I am the one who does not try hard enough. If only I would be..could be different. Less this and more that. Resentment is setting in, because the bar is way too high for a mortal woman like myself. I am...flawed...fucked up.... and charming. Not relationship material or qualities befitting a wife. Eh, and that's the truth. I don't share enough of... my heart... my soul... my thoughts. No one can tolerate that kind of elusiveness. So off I go in an entirely new direction.... E.N.D.
I never thought I would say this: But I am quitting the love game.
I've had a good run. Seriously. My heart has other priorities. This is
not defeat, or sad or anything negative. There is a window of
opportunity to create the life of my dreams. To do the things I've only
journaled about. Oh the Potential Mr. Babz will be forever a love for
the ages.... a story right up there with the best of them. One I will
tell over and over and over to my grandchildren. Right now I gotta take myself out of the equation and do more work on my inner movements. I gotta dig a bit deeper in self reflection and tend to my heart more.
I am going to
retreat for a bit. I have two projects... OK several projects that
need my attention, not to mention 4 kids, a house in foreclosure and
applying for Affordable Health Care plans. Oh and bootcamp...I am going
to whip this body into shape if it kills me and no doubt it will. So
I'll spend some time on my blog and periodically the posts will show up on Facebook.
God is still speaking. I'm off to build my true love.