I got it early on, that the Devil lives within. I never held to the belief that the devil resides outside of myself. And self means as in everyone. The devil is the fear, doubt, self-sabotage, evil, hatred, ignorance and low self-esteem that takes root within. If it were some force outside of ourselves we could deal with that. But the devil within is seductive and illusive and cunning. It sneaks in before we even realize that what we are doing is failing prey to our shadow... the dark side... the pain of all things familiar.
What I struggle with, is staying ahead of the devil within. I am challenged to quit talking to the devil and giving it my attention. I am the audience it seeks and when I am not careful, I find myself seduced by how right the devil can seem. And how do I know it's not right? Because it goes against love.
Love... that other seemingly seductive force of nature. Often mislabeled And ill defined as illusive. Love exist all around. What fucks most of us up is the fairy-tale, romantic foolishness that is fleeting and asks us of nothing. Love is discipline and commitment and honor and duty and free flowing. It has no judgement or fears.
So why can't we all to just float toward the light of love? I think for me, it may be because with all that I know, trusting love is scary. The moment I surrender, the fear of it all being taken away or leaving or disappearing is greater than the belief that I could have it forever. Love says we are worthy. I am worthy. The devil says I am not. And that is the power of the Devil.... cultivating doubt... fear...disbelief.
So this knew revelation propels me to excavate further my deepest feeling and thoughts on where the fear begins. I've spent the better part of this blog learning my fears and addressing them as I moved along. Never getting to the root, just handling the fear of the moment. I gotta go deeper. I gotta take it all the way to the ground. There is no way around that. If I don't, then I will be running away from love the rest of my life. And no one, even someone in full armor on a white stead can stand a chance at my whole heart.
The devil is a liar and I am setting out to prove it.
Happy Birthday #54 to ME!
9 months ago
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1 comment:
like your treading water with or in fear, not actually getting ahead of it, not being proactive with it. is there such a thing?
i totally understand. i keep catching myself. i try to be 'proactive' by being mindful, prayerful. but yes, it's hard. we are all broken, and the devil knows this. this is why we need a saviour.
fear is a tool of the devil. it is.
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