I refuse to say I am tired even if I am. I refuse to let the pain of my everyday life wear me out. There is nothing but to move forward. I know how to seek rest and refuge in small doses to sustain me for the day ahead. There are days when I am crippled and blinded by the pain in my heart, soul, bones and mind. Yes the pain is deep and I swear I can barely stand it. But I do. I do because the alternative is to let the devil win. I am a whole lot of things, but a loser is not one of them. Oh I can quit with the best of them. But I am choosing not to. I am consciously holding on. I have tasted the sweetness of pure joy, love and peace and I want to live with that always.
I am making the path as I go. There is no other way. There is no map except for the one that God has written into my heart. There are always cross roads and flooded rivers and dark scary places and boogy men here and there. I have fought my share of demons and dragons. I have waded in waters that should have drowned me. I have been cast aside, thrown away and left for dead. I know something about pain and perseverance. I know something about love and redemption and forgiveness. I am learning to forgive the error of my ways and the choices I have made for bad. I am trying to live without regrets. And I know there will always be regrets, and unrequited love and melancholy, just like rainy days in June and lots of snow in December in Connecticut.
I am making the path as I go. I am not sure anyone can follow it or should. Maybe all I want is for someone to know I came through.