I have spent a great deal of time waxing poetic about what I want. Going on and on about love, and dreams and wishes and aspirations. But yet when I am primed and ready to meet my dreams head on, I choke. I get bogged down in mess. And the mess can seem valid and innocent.... a new relationship with its own set of demands, money challenges, family drama, or just doing way too much stuff that takes me further and further from what I say I want.
These are distractions. Theses are all the things that come at us that take us off our game plan. Yes I want those things...solid and supportive relationships, balanced check books, peace and harmony in my family. But when those things become my only focus I lose sight of what I want to do to accomplish my dreams. I mean do I want to stay in the dream state? Do I only want to be wishing for my life to be grander?
I am creating and or attracting the distractions. When I put one more thing ahead of my own projects I am saying my dreams don't matter as much as ______________ (fill in the blank). This is my newest epiphany. I am sabotaging my dreams by not putting real direction and purpose into my goals. I am doing this.
The fear of getting what I want is not obvious and it doesn't show up and present itself as fear. Fear shows up as new demands on my time. Fear takes over and draws my attention away from the very thing I want to be doing and sends me into the direction of things I don't want to be doing. So when I walk past my unfinished projects I am filled with a sense of overwhelm and I begin making excuses for not doing what I say I am going to do. Fear has sidetracked me and I let it. Because as long as I am not completing my tasks there is no real sense of failure. And if I can point to this other thing that needs my attention, then I am off the hook totally for not completing my task/project/dream, because the excuse becomes Oh, I just had to give my attention to this other thing over there. That's the bullshit.
This is a lot to take in and grasp. But I do believe I am on the right track to changing that mindset and recognizing the many faces of fear when it shows up.