I CAN ROAR... BY FLUTTER

My very beautiful Blog Sister, Flutter penned this beautiful poem on her blog... Flutter, Dark & Dvine It moved me so. I just had to repost with her very kind permission. ENJOY!

I can roar
August 13th, 2009

Humility, they say

be humble, do not express

your pride

But I am done hiding

my light

I can bake

a motherfucking cake

In an apron that says

laissez les bons temps rouler

(it rhymes if you say it right

so just try to say it right

because I won’t correct you anymore

because I used to

and that shit is rude)

I am made of humorous things

mostly directed at myself

but damn if I am not the best friend

that you will ever know

my heart, this big and wounded thing

well shit, bitch…it loves you

and some days

oh some days

it needs to be held in the palm

of your hands and cradled

because I am not always so strong

I am a brainy girl

and my hands are just like my mother’s

beautiful

strong

they build things

pictures with words

things with yarn and beads

and fabric and fluff

things that are nothing

things that matter

they hold yours in tough times

and reach out when they need

sometimes

I am talented

I am good

I deserve the things I’ve denied myself

and instead of sitting

and waning

pitching pathetic

I can roar

FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: EMOTIONAL DEXTERITY

There seems to be this backlash against emotional attachments. That somehow being "emotional" has become a negative characteristic. That one should not take anything "personal" I love you , but I am not in love with you, has become a common mantra for the discontented and fearful. I am always taken aback when folks chop up their feelings about love and being in love. They believe that by burying, ignoring and turning off emotional connection that somehow that is some higher way of thinking. That to have emotions denotes a kind of weakness. They strive to live and be beyond the emotional and the personal. I get some of that. I do. But for me there has to be some emotional dexterity.

To love in harmony with your emotional, spiritual and physical self requires embracing the emotional. Why would you be so disconnected from your emotional self as if it would guide you in the wrong direction? I mean if you are enlightened or seeking enlightenment then I would think your emotions would support clarity. I am not making an excuse to be emotionally off the chain. Nor am I suggesting that we give into our emotions without other reasoning skills that aid in our decision making processes. Yes, some of us are more in control of our emotions than others. I think I hoover somewhere in the middle depending on the challenge. I will cry over the smallest things and I can also stand in the midst of great trauma...unflinching.

I am one for great emotions. My emotions have served me well. I do not think that my judgement is clouded by my emotions...at least not all the time. Nor do I think that if I make a decision based on my emotions that it will be the wrong one. I am a mix of emotion, intellect, feeling, and intuition. I am tactile. I love the physical feel of things...people...places. I am rooted in emotion. I listen to my gut. I heed the call of angels. I am open to the whisper of God.

Love for me is saying it and doing it all at once. It is active and open. It's saying to the world I love this person, this place, this life. God was not and is not quiet about his love of people and earth. We get it wrong when we say stop being emotional. We lose out and we miss out on the finer joys and pleasures of right now. I am not trying to fore go living in preparation for heaven. Heaven is in all of us. We have to create it and nurture it. It is the emotional dexterity of our inner selves that will get us there.

The questions come back around.... who are you? and what do you want?

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: FLAWS & PERFECTION

I really don't like to believe that relationships are hard. I rather like to believe that with love and a willing spirit any obstacle can be overcome. It is not relationships that are hard, it is our own mess that make relationships hard. I am not suggesting folks stay in mess and try to love through it. I am talking about that internal voice that whispers this is not what you want.

What is in front of me is lovely but it is not without its challenges. I have my deal breakers that are absolutes. But what about the little petty things? Those little annoyances that make a seemingly grand picture flawed. Maybe I am too much for perfection and not enough for reality. And God knows looking at my life's choices one would not think perfection.

We are all flawed. Does the greater qualities cancel out the lesser ones? Do I over look, or better still do I make room for the things that are not smooth. Love asks only that we welcome it. It doesn't say pick apart the vessel in which love shows up to get to the parts that are divine. All love is divine including the vessel.

The Love Story continues....

HISTORY & MEMORY

There are a great many things that bring me pleasure in this life. My children, my new found friendships and love of old friends.

He connects me back to my roots, my formative years. At our core we are the same as when we were 16, 17 years old. Yes, the world has shaped Us...changed Us. We have spent a great many years apart. Yes, we see things from different view points. For me this is lovely, it opens up the world in a different way. For him I suspect it means we are not in sync. We are in the same ballpark but not on the same team. To me this is not a deficit or a problem. I like differing viewpoints.

So what to do and what happens next? Do we press on or do we say friendship withstanding, a loveship is near impossible. I do know that our friendship is the foundation on which this love is built. The friendship is grace. It allows us to be present in each other's lives without introduction or awkward interactions.

We are mis-communicating at the moment. It is not a problem for me. As I see it, we are fine tuning our rhythms...learning each other's signals. I suspect he sees it as signs and indications of way more work to be done to strengthen the connection and quite possibly insurmountable. We are in a holding pattern...not really moving forward but not letting go either.

There is real love here. Real deep and abiding love. There is a risk that it could be lost. Not the friendship, that remains forever and a day strong! The losing of the loveship could come because we could shrug our shoulders and become unwilling to press on. To go a step (even) further than the day before.

I do not have the "right" answers. I only know that I come to this with all my insecurities, shortcoming and frailties. I do know that I have a great capacity for love. I do know that my willing spirit has served me in moments of great despair and hardship. I do know that I am willing to break down all my barriers and walls to let him in.

Our friendship is the lifeline that keeps us connected. This loveship is steeped in history and memory that affords us the opportunity to re-connect and thrive. Love will flourish if we take a step (even) further.

The Love Story continues...

STEP (EVEN) FURTHER...SOL EDLER

I heard this beautiful song last night for the first time and it is haunting me. So I decided to dedicate it to my Love. I've been looking for a song that captures who we are....(our lives ought to have a soundtrack).

The Love Story continues...

...whatever happens, friends will be alright.

Step (Even) Further - Sol Edler

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: THANK YOU K.O. JOHNSON

Sometimes we get stuck in our own heads about how things ought to go. Or as my Love Supreme likes to say.... we force our thoughts. I certainly was doing just that over the last couple of days. I got so caught up with having what I wanted that I completely ignored what He wanted and Needed...needs. I was thinking my way was the better way. That my path was THE path.

It took a divine call from my newly married blog brother K.O. Johnson to smack me back to remedial love lesson 101: Be Still. Don't react to what is said as opposed to what is happening. The conversation was not only timely, but divine. I needed that reminder. I needed someone to say...PUMP YOUR BRAKES SISTER!

I am ready for love. I am open for love. Love is perfection but not perfect. Love is about growing and expanding one's heart and mind. Love is about making room for another's clothes, toiletries, books, heart, philosophy, beliefs and needs. It is seeing them and they seeing you and still are encouraged about all the possibilities that this union could be.

There is either love or fear. I chose fear the other day...old habit. Old habits die hard. God sends the loveliest of folks to me to remind me to be still. To allow love to do what loves does best: Restores, strengthens and heals.

Thank you K.O. Johnson you are an angel indeed.

The Love Story continues....

LOVETALK

IS ON SUMMER VACATION

WE WILL BACK SOON!

HAPPY SUMMER TO YOU ALL!

CLOSE TO HEAVEN IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

I know what I want. I cannot stand in this life right now and not now clearly what I want. I want to live a certain way. I want a life filled with love and harmony. I want to share my life with someone who gets me on a great many levels. I want to share my life with someone who gets my jokes...gets my thoughts, understands my pain and loves me all the same.

I cannot hold someone Else's baggage. I cannot wait until someone solves their problems. I cannot wait until someone is sure about me. This may seem selfish... and it is on some level. I know what I need and want. I can't love someone through their journey or process of discernment. Yes I can cheer them on. I can send up prayers on their behalf. I can be encouraging. I cannot be the woman waiting in hopes of being chosen as THE ONE.

Life is right now. Not 6 months from now. We are in this space right now. The opportunity to love presents itself in this moment. We all have our choices to make...issues to overcome, wrongs to make right. God sends us what is needed.

God sends us what is needed but is not up to me to prove that. I only have to know that what is needed always comes. Maybe this is a dis-jointed post. Maybe I want to share my disappointment. Or maybe I am being unreasonable. I just know I can't be the woman who is auditioning for some one's love.

See I need him to scale the castle walls for me. I need him to NEED ME with every waking breath. I need him to say he can't sleep without me...can't make the bed without me...can't enjoy his day without the sound of my laughter ringing in our living space. See I can't accept anything less. I've had less and I am not going back for more where there is only less.

Love is enough to move anything thing forward. But there also has to be a willing spirit. Someone has to be willing to take the gamble...make the bet and roll the dice. There is only love or fear.

I don't care to hear that you need space and time to clear your heart and head because the one before me wounded you so. Let go unless you need to wallow in that pain. I am offering joy and peace and harmony and love. I have no drama to bring. I have no secrets, nor am I interested in playing the game of mis-communication. I am not angry or selfishness. All I got is me and a willingness to make it beautiful.

See, I've been close to heaven before and it ain't enough. I want heaven or nothing at all. And trust me, I will let go of you if all you have to offer is close enough.

The Love Story continues...