A life That Earns My Self Respect....

Sometimes we're too easy on ourselves, lacking self-discipline and giving ourselves slack and in places where we simply shouldn't. Then we're loaded with guilt and suffering! The only way to end the torture of self-condemnation is to try to live a life that earns your self-respect.... Marianne Williamson

Like a lightening bolt this struck me to my core!   It is not news that I am undisciplined.  What is news is the level of depth my undisciplined self goes.  The root of all of my suffering is my undisciplined self.  I cannot examine myself for too long and not see the patterns, the unwillingness to grind it out and push push push.

I quit more times than I persevere.  I have triumphed because I was forced... kicking and screaming to victory.  So imagine my surprise at this epiphany. Yes, I must end the torture of self-condemnation.  That's the real beauty in turning 50, the willingness to clarity.

Add in my Sweetheart pushing from the other side, God all around and me in the middle. I enter this life like a piece of coal and with all the pressure...some lovingly applied and some not, I am emerging as a diamond.

My challenge will be to retrain my mind and actions... to instill discipline into my life in a way I've never done before.  I do believe I am doing this without even realizing I am doing it. Or what's more accurate I am doing it as part of my spiritual faith walk. all the pieces are coming together.  I see it.  Health, love, God.  It is my personal goal to integrate all of my life into a seamless adventure.

A seamless adventure where I am whole, inside and out.  A life that earns my self respect.