Sometimes we're too easy on ourselves, lacking self-discipline and giving ourselves slack and in places where we simply shouldn't. Then we're loaded with guilt and suffering! The only way to end the torture of self-condemnation is to try to live a life that earns your self-respect.... Marianne Williamson
Like a lightening bolt this struck me to my core! It is not news that I am undisciplined. What is news is the level of depth my undisciplined self goes. The root of all of my suffering is my undisciplined self. I cannot examine myself for too long and not see the patterns, the unwillingness to grind it out and push push push.
I quit more times than I persevere. I have triumphed because I was forced... kicking and screaming to victory. So imagine my surprise at this epiphany. Yes, I must end the torture of self-condemnation. That's the real beauty in turning 50, the willingness to clarity.
Add in my Sweetheart pushing from the other side, God all around and me in the middle. I enter this life like a piece of coal and with all the pressure...some lovingly applied and some not, I am emerging as a diamond.
My challenge will be to retrain my mind and actions... to instill discipline into my life in a way I've never done before. I do believe I am doing this without even realizing I am doing it. Or what's more accurate I am doing it as part of my spiritual faith walk. all the pieces are coming together. I see it. Health, love, God. It is my personal goal to integrate all of my life into a seamless adventure.
A seamless adventure where I am whole, inside and out. A life that earns my self respect.