I consider myself to be very lucky to be at this crossroads in my life. I used to be freaked out about choices of which way to go. Now, I just bask in my good fortune to have choices. It is amazing how we can just change our minds about how we see things. I did that and was able to see the blessing.
I am resisting being stuck, but the seduction of it all is quite, well...seductive. The devil (anything that keeps you from achieving, aspiring and living to be your very best self is indeed the devil!) seems to be working overtime in my mind. I can't seem to push through. I am wallowing again.
What am I afraid of now? Damn it! Maybe it's the same fears masquerading as something else. There is no rest for the fighting spirit against evil and chaos. I know better. I must stay on guard and saturate myself in love.
Living through mess arms you with tools for the battles ahead. I believe this. But somehow I forget that I am my own champion in God's care. What I so desperately want is within reach. Why am I struggling to not self-sabotage? I can feel myself being wooed by the negative thinking and the negative internal talk. Always whispering: I am not worthy. He doesn't really love me, He takes more than he gives, don't be a fool., It is better to be alone that to be a fool in love. I have made a mess of my life and I can't help but continue doing so....
I wonder if Whitney heard the same message over and over and the only thing to do was to drink, do drugs and keep on running.
Tomorrow is another 24 hours (God willing) to get on track. To live differently. To think clearer. To love more deeply. To realize what scares me and send it on its way out of my life and my thinking.
Tomorrow has to be the day I choose winning!