UP DOWN UP DOWN AND UP AND DOWN AGAIN AND UP

There are days when I am running around in circles.  Like yesterday shuttling kids to various points between here and there, I felt like I was driving for 10,0000000 hours!  I was exhausted at the end of the day.  So here I am up and running again. It's a new day.  Today is not a circle day, today is a square kinda day.  I have a bit more room in my day to tackle Babz stuff.

Up down up down and up and down again and up.  This is my life.  Glorious in its totality.  Exhausting in the blow away moments when I am not present or too present and I am whining about the smallest of smallest shit.  When the kids are like a rash, making me itch by the sound of their voices.  This is the being down part.  This is the stuff that makes you yell at them at the top of your lungs and they look at you with annoyance... dear God Mommy is having ANOTHER meltdown.

Working at the computer while they...my cherubs are in the den watching mindless TV, every so often I hear their laughter in unison...they all find something funny? Imagine that.  I take it all in and my heart feels like its going to jump wide open.  This is that mommy moment of pure love and delight in my kids. This is the UP part.

Mr. Beloved and I are at odds.  We don't seem to speak the same language or hear each other.  It's like he's across the world and we're talking with tin cans and strings. This is the down part.

He comes back around with a different strategy, one that comes with an olive branch and hugs and more hugs and kisses. This is the Up again part.

This is how life is.  You coast along for a bit and then a bump, or a hiccup, or miscommunication. I fall up and fall down.  I love as best as I can hoping that Mr. Beloved has the strength to endure and hang on for both of us.  I cherish my kids, they have saved my life in ways they will never know.  This is a lot of love I have around me.  It's big, complicated and messy and joyous. There is nothing more divine than right now. I feel fearless.  It's been a long time since I felt this moment of gratitude.  I feel so possible and that's the UP part again.