I find myself weary of mundane conversations that have no real beginning or end. Just disheartening statements passing as sharing. I want to scream WHAT ARE YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS? Quit telling me about your fucked up job or your lame ass husband, or your miserable kids or your crazy neighbors. Who are you? And what do you want?
I was talking to a Sister this morning outside of church and I asked how are you? And she immediately claims, "I got drama... I'm in the middle of drama and when morning comes I find myself gasping for air" "It's the same mess as before" Now I have sat with her a few times listening and providing a supportive voice. But here's the truth... She is not interested in doing what needs to be done to squash the drama. She believes that she can orchestrate the universe to her will. I understand. I used to be the same way, until the universe broke me and I had to change my life. I had to climb up out of mess. She is not ready. And time is moving on. And so I kept it moving too.
There is a sense of urgency that's fueling me. Not in a frenzied hurried state. It's a kind of energy that calls me to be open and awake. I am saying yes to my life in ways that often startle me. I am not reckless, I jump for joy at the things that bring me to nirvana. I am channeling that new found sensuality I discovered on Martha's Vineyard last summer...Inkwell Epiphanies: Martha's Vineyard Expanded My Groove. I feel good even in the throes of a few financial challenges. I am not twisted up or stressed. Concerned, yes and very mindful, and I am moving with clarity and confidence.
Babz is doing all right. Babz is falling in love with a great many things and it shows! I am not wedded to time as a construct that will be my undoing if I don't get shit done. What I hope I am conveying is that every moment I draw breath is special and divine. Oh so divine. And to waste any of it on bullshit is not what I want. There is no time to waste. Life beckons to be savored... Tasted for all its worth! This precious breath in this moment is the gift. The blessing really is the next breath if I get one. Do you see? There is no time to waste.
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2 comments:
yes, I still read regularly of course, and more than often am moved to comment, but always get lost, caught in the thoughts and emotions you stir. ahhh.
I come here to be reminded that I am alive. that I am not alone in these same struggles, on this similar journey with similar obstacles and revelations and victories. silencing my fears as you remind me that I am LIVING, confirming for me the direction of my energy and focus.
yes, we are so different yet the same. my warrior queen and sister.
PTB
yes, I still read regularly of course, and more than often am moved to comment, but always get lost, caught in the thoughts and emotions you stir. ahhh.
I come here to be reminded that I am alive. that I am not alone in these same struggles, on this similar journey with similar obstacles and revelations and victories. silencing my fears as you remind me that I am LIVING, confirming for me the direction of my energy and focus.
yes, we are so different yet the same. my warrior queen and sister.
PTB
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