I No Longer Want To Claim Being Tired

It is a default mechanism... one of my own making. I toss out how tired I am without really speaking the truth about what really ails me. What passes for tiredness is really overwhelm and disorganization. I will honestly concede that I have way too many things on my plate at the moment.

Yes, more than likely this is the truth. However, I have this sense of urgency about doing all that I want to do. I know the problem isn't just being tired as much as it is disorganization and fear of success. There is always some kind of fear at the heart of things. I mean if I went to bed early as a person committed to taking better care, then a lot of my tiredness would go away. I am burning the candle at both ends. That ain't good nowhere, nohow not ever. And yet here I set in the wee hours of night, doing one more thing.

I need a tighter routine. I can see the fraying of edges. I can see where things are falling through the cracks and it is getting increasingly harder for me to juggle home, work, kids, their education, my social commitments, my civic duties and my dating life and everything else that I feel compelled to step into.

And to top it all off, I haven't been on a brisk walk or run for a couple of weeks. This is a priority intellectually, but not in reality. So what do I do? I bring my full attention to the matter. I make changes and I do better. Ha ha ha! Which really translates into another day going by without doing shit and them beating myself up until I make a new commitment to do better.Damn it I am doing that crazy roller coaster shit again. I am getting off.

Tomorrow a new plan is needed... It begins with my thinking. I gotta change my mind and make the necessary changes for my greater good. And yes, sacrifices must be made.

Actually the new plan begins tonight. I'm going to bed.