This year my commitment to Lent is difficult. I can't seem to find my spiritual rhythm. I didn't make it to Ash Wednesday service, which usually sets the tone for me. But then again, that's just an excuse. Perhaps I am too focused on trying to Do Lent, rather than experience Lent.
I can feel myself getting worked up about missing out on Lent, when really all that is needed is quiet time...deliberate quiet and stillness. I can't seem to give myself that time of quiet. What is the truth here? What am I trying to escape from now?
Lent is the time to look at the messy parts of your life, the parts that only God sees and cares about. The unresolved messes, the mean and nasty stuff. The hurts of long ago. The deep deep stuff that floats to the surface at the most inopportune times. I need to remember that when I want to make Lent some fluffy, lovely religious sentiment, sweet and gooey, that really I am missing the point of moving through heartbreak and waiting and praying and stillness.
What am I afraid of facing? What's trying to make its way to the surface. Lent invites that wrestling. Lent invites me to sit and allow God to show up for discussion and direction. It is anticipation. It is holding fast to faith. So rather than trying to Do Lent. Let me settle down and experience Lent, Deliberate quiet. Waiting. Being still.