Monday, March 10, 2014

My Lenten Journey: Choosing To Be A Beautiful Woman

“A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.”
Jacqueline Bisset

Being deliberate about Lent and the discipline of fasting, I am gaining a greater awareness of moving through my life with more ease and joy.  I was all primed to post about a conversation with someone I just ended a relationship with.  The conversation got under my skin... so much so that I had to call my Sister Lo and talk it out with her.  She said You can't be with some who calls for you to lose your vibrancy. If you have to change who you are in order to be with them, then who are you? She is without a doubt right. I was spending my time trying to find some truth in the criticisms hurled at me on a daily basis, rather than examining the source and trusting my own self. Then I stumbled upon the quote by Jacqueline Bisset... and just like that I understood.  God was not criticizing me. As a matter of fact God was waiting for me to get a clue and move on from foolishness and mess.

God reminded me that I live and conduct my life in such a way, that I look for the magic and miracles all the time.  I am not driven by fortune or fame.  I am however striving to be authentic and true to my own heart.  I want to convey that to my children.  Discipline yes, fortitude, integrity yes! Don't be afraid to go beyond what you think your limits are, but do not hold to rules, people, or out-dated ideas that constrain you... make your bed most of the time, eat well all of the time.  Be kind. Never let anyone tell you when the right time is... the right time to do anything is now.  If you can dream it you can do it.  Never take advice from people who criticize you. And keep the faith.

So here I am choosing to be a beautiful woman. I am not allowing the world and the people in it to determine my worth.  I have unimaginable courage, I am no longer telling myself I am not disciplined. I am resilient, and regardless of my past, I have integrity. My circle of friends, men and women alike reflect all that I hope to be and all that I am.  Fakes and counterfeits who have used me have left the building, left my circle.  I am grateful for their lessons, they have given me more tools for the journey ahead.  In choosing to be a beautiful woman I am standing in my truth.  I am celebrating my breath and I am honored for the responsibility of this life.


Big Mark 243 said...

I am glad for you that you were able to free yourself from that limiting relationship... but it leaves me to ask... what was it about the person that drew you to them in the first place..?

Babz Rawls Ivy said...

Big Mark 243,
Shared history. We were lovers in our youth. I thought our history could grow up with us. As I look back now, he was somebody I never really knew and I am someone who he will never know.

It was challenging and tensioned filled from the beginning.