There is so much I can be freaked out by. I have a shit load of shit to deal with and yet I am taking real time to be in this season of Lent. Prayer. Fasting. Finding joy in the ordinary.
I have been thinking a great deal about my personal life... my love life and what may be on the horizon. Lent is clearing out the cobwebs and allowing me to turn my attention away from what I lack and desire, to moving me toward what I have. It is funny how I think and believe I don't have enough. Or the believing the "enough" I have will disappear. Damn. Really?
There is a great deal of mystical element to my faith now. I have no interest in taking anything literal... not the bible nor other sacred scripture. I think the blessings lie in trying to unearth the meaning... what is this scripture/passage/words saying to me? I am for the mysticism... the magical... the surprise.
As a Christian, I don't want the bible to be a whipping stick or a weapon that stunts and stifles my faith walk.. I want to take the bible as a source of inspiration filled with maps and guide posts for the journey ahead. I am not interested in condemnation or self beat-downs about sin. I am all about how to grow in my faith without hurting and judging others. I want to dwell in forgiveness. I want to release past wrongs and stand in the light of doing what is right.
I've tasted what real joy feels like. I want that on my lips and under my skin always. How do I get that joy for always? I understand now... quit settling for bullshit. Stop selling myself short AND quit going back for more where there is only less.
Joy exists in waking for the sunrise. Joy exists in providing good lunch and snacks for my kids. Joy exist in where I choose to see it. I gotta choose to see it all the time.
I am realizing that what I am hungry for is not food or drink... like the woman at the well, I want water that is eternally a thirst quencher.