Friday, January 6, 2012

Inviting Myself To Love

I am inviting myself to love. 

This is the moment that I invite myself to love.  There are no more excuses.  I have grown a great deal since Mr. Love left and moved to Baltimore.  I have wrapped myself in my truth and re-examined my past with a fine tooth comb.  It is time to let the ghosts go.

What I used to know and believe about love has shifted.  It is not about what someone else does.  It is what I am willing to do that defines the depth of my love.  I have to give what I need. I have to be what I want.  These are not empty sayings used to keep us all pseudo-spiritually in tuned. This is the God's honest truth! As long as I stay focused on what I need someone to bring to my life, I will always be waiting for the fantasy love...the ghost love...the unrealistic-but-it-works-in-the-movies love.

I have been the barrier to the very thing I said I wanted and when it (He) showed up I did everything in my power to reject him.  I waxed poetic on my blog about his short-comings and failings.  I whined about his inconsiderate behavior. I went on and on, about what he lacked, what he didn't bring to the table, what he didn't have.  I was a shrew and I lost sight of what was important.  He loved me and offered all he had, and laid himself at my feet. I only saw lack, and not good enough.  I climbed so high up on my mountain, that I had forgotten what the climb cost me.  I was more than selfish.... I was unreasonable.

It is a new year and I am answering my long asked question of who am I and what do I want?

I am going to get my Man back.  Bring him back with a new sense of purpose, direction and commitment. I am coming in from  the cold.  I throwing my arms wide open and I am letting love flood my inner and outer being.  I know what I am doing.  I know who I am and I know what I want! 

I have spent time alone looking at my life in totality.  I have gone around and dated and chatted and flirted.  Everything leads back to him and the life we could build together.  We have both grown.  We have both been right and wrong. 

I am inviting myself to love this year, right now.  No fear. No hesitations. No reservations.  Full steam ahead. Focused. Determined. Joyous.








2 comments:

Moanerplicity said...

Yo! SistaLo: Do You Realize How Deep You Just Came When You Penned The Following:

"As long as I stay focused on what I need someone to bring to my life, I will always be waiting for the fantasy love...the ghost love...the unrealistic-but-it-works-in-the-movies love."


That! THAT right there is the love-sickness that affects millions of lonely people the whole world over. Someone else is supposed to fulfill them. That's BS! Often that's an impossible job, & an UNFAIR gig to lay on someone else!

Once folks STOP believing that ish, & begin to love self first, & furnish their own needs... then the better life will become for them, & the better the chances are that LOVE, the real deal ish might come, sit down in their living space & rest a spell.


I wish you ALL dat. No doubt now that you've done the work, you DESERVE it!

Snatch JOY!

One.

KayC, The Quiet Storm said...

I agree with Moanerplicity. So often we see what the other person is doing and focus on the things they do that wreck our nerves and what we can't deal with. Not so often do we focus on ourselves and what the reflection of the other person is showing us!

Doing the work to become a complete and happy person before we add someone else to the mix is so hard but necessary for a successful relationship. It is not easy.

Congrats to you for taking the steps to work on yourself. That is truly the first step.